MOTHER AS REVEALED TO ME
English
edition of
Bhaiji’s
Matri Darshan in
Bengali
TRANSLATED
By
Sri Ganga Charan Dasgupta
Shree Shree Anandamayee
Sangha
Kankhal, Haridwar
CONTENTS
Foreword 
Mantric Power
Thought Power
Yogic Power
State of samadhi
Mother and Her playful role
Ashram
On the way to new life
To distant lands
Sri Sri Ma
Preface to the first edition
On the eve of his departure for Kailash with Mother in 1937 when Bhaiji left his Bengali manuscript with me for publication, it was his express desire that the book should be published Hindi simultaneously. His unexpected death on his way back upset all, our plans. The Bengali edition was first published in 1937 shortly after his death. The Hindi edition was also published in 1957[ 1947 ?]. Though the English rendering ready it could not be published so long.
I trust , it will be gratifying to Mother’s devotees
to learn that through the ardour and generosity of Sri Kamlesh Parasram
Punwani---a devotee of Mother from Sing ,
West Pakistan , the English edition of Matri Darshan is published now.
This edition will, it is hoped, carry Mother’s message beyond the shores of
India.
My grateful thanks are also due to Sri Girija Shankar Bhattacharya, Professor [retired] of the Presidency College, Calcutta, who in spite of his frail health, spared no pains to help me in getting the book published in no time.
44 Hazra Road,
CALCUTTA-19 GANGA CHARAN DASGUPTA
4th May, 1952
FOREWORD
To write a biography of Sri Sri Anandmayee Ma or to draw the attention of the world to Her infinite powers is not the object of this feeble attempt on my part. I have, in this little sketch, introduced only a few facts of my own direct experience to show how She opened up a fountain of life in my almost parched-up soul. All the blemishes that appear in this work , are traceable to my own personal limitations for which I sincerely implore her pardon.
I
lost my mother when I was but a small boy. I have heard my relations say that
my eyes used to swim in tears whenever I heard infants babbling our “Ma, Ma”
with their soft, shrill voices; and that I would soothe my heart by lying on
the floor and weeping silently.
My
father was a saintly person. The deep religious spirit of his life implanted in
me , during my very childhood years, seeds of divine aspiration. In 1908 I had
my initiation in Shakti Mantra
[mantra---speech symbol representing a deity] from our family Guru [Guru---- family preceptor who initiates one
into the spiritual life]. On that account I had to worship the Mother Divine;
and when I could pour out all my devotional fervour with “Ma, Ma” , during my
prayer time, I found great relief and happiness. Even then I could hardly
realise that mother is the fountainhead of supreme joy and happiness for all
living beings. There was an over-powering
desire in me to find such a Living Mother who, by her loving glances, could
transform my storm-tossed soul. I approached many saintly persons and was desperate
enough even to consult astrologers for an answer to this query, — Shall I have
the good fortune to meet such a mother?“ All held out
high hopes.
With
that object in view, I visited many holy places and had the opportunity of
meeting numerous spiritual personalities; but none could satisfy my desire.
I
worked in a Government office at Calcutta. It was transferred to Dacca in 1918
and I was posted there. By the end of 1924 I came to learn that Ma Anandamayee
had been living for some months in Shah-bag near the city, observing silence
for a long time, always seated in some Yogic posture and would, on some rare
occasions, draw a line on the floor round Her seat and have very short talks
with people after reciting some mantras or sacred texts.
One
morning I went there in a prayerful spirit, and was fortunate enough to see
Mother, through the kind courtesy of Her husband, whom~ people addressed as Pitaji
or Father. it sent a thrill into my heart to see her serene Yogic posture
along with all the modesty and grace to be met with only in a newly married
lady. It at once flashed upon my mind that the person for whom my heart had
yearned for so many years, and in whose search I had traveled to so many sacred
places, stood revealed before me.
My
whole being was flooded with joy and every fibre of my body danced with
ecstasy. There was an impulse to throw myself prostrate at Her feet and to cry
out in tears—’Mother, why have you kept me away from you all these long, long
years ?“
After
some minutes, I asked Mother, ‘Have I any chance of spiritual uplift?” She
replied, ‘Your hunger for such a life is not yet strong enough.” I had come
with a load of thoughts struggling for expression, but all were hushed into
silence under the spell of Her soothing grace. I sat there speechless and dumb.
Mother, too, spoke not a word. After a little while, I bowed to Her and left
the place. I could not touch Her feet though I had a strong desire to do so. It
was not through fear or delicacy; some mysterious power pushed me away from Her
presence.
I
did not go to Shah-bag for long afterwards. I reflected thus:—”As long as She
would not draw me close to Her like my own Mother, removing Her veil, how could
I clasp Her feet to my bosom?” There was a
great conflict in me; a strong desire to see Her and a sharp pain at Her
aloofness;— both were equally strong and in opposition to each other. No mode
of approach seemed possible. In the meantime I used to go to the adjoining Sikh
temple; and standing by the garden wall, I saw Mother from a distance so that
nobody could notice it. During these days of indecision, I would analyse the movements
of my mind and would often question myself, “What are things coming to ?”
But
I had no power of taking a decision. I would often get all news about Mother
and listen with attention to every story about Her Lila (play of divine
forces) In this manner I passed seven months in the midst of the din and
bustle of every day life with a prospect of meeting Her every hour. One day I
brought Mother to my house. An intense joy thrilled my whole being to meet Her
after such a long time. But it was not permanent. When She was about to leave
my house I bowed down to touch Her feet, but She withdrew them. I felt as if
pierced by a smarting pain.
Then
I tried to ease the pangs of the struggle in my heart by reading various books
on religion. I resolved to publish a small book on religion and religious
practices. The book was written and published under the title, “Sadhana” and
I forwarded a copy of it to Mother through Sri Bhupendra Narayan Das Gupta.
Mother curtly said to him,—”Ask the author to come and see me.”
On
receiving this call from Mother I went to Shah-bag one morning. I came to learn
that Her vow of silence of the last three years was over. She came and sat
close to me. I read out the whole book to Her and after hearing the contents,
She said,—”Though after three years of silence, my vocal chords are not
functioning properly, yet words are forcing themselves out of my mouth to-day.
Your book is quite good. Try to develop even more purity of thought and
action.”
During
that interview with Her, Pitaji was present. I began to feel that a new world
was opening out before me and that I was sitting like a little child before my
own parents
Since
then I used to go to Shah-bag. I requested my wife to go and see Mother with
some offerings. At that time Mother used to put on a golden nose ring. My wife
took with her one large silver plate, some curd, flowers, sandal paste and one
diamond nose-ring as presents for Mother, and with great delight and respect
she offered them at Her feet.
It
transpired afterwards that Mother would have Her food placed upon the bare
ground at that time and use no plate whatsoever. So Pitaji had said to
Her once with great disgust: —”You don’t take your food from brass plates or
bell-metal ones. Will you have it then on a silver plate?“ Mother laughed and said, “Yes, but do not tell anybody about this
during the next three months and please do not make any attempt yourself to
procure silver plates”. Now before the three months expired the silver plate
was given to Her as mentioned above.
One
day Mother said to me,—”Remember, you really are a Brahmin; and there is a very
subtle, close spiritual link between this body and yourself.” From that very
day I tried to keep my body pure in all respects.
I
learnt from various sources that many of Mother’s devotees had been fortunate
enough to find the images of many gods and goddesses revealed in Her body. But
as I saw with my own eyes manifestations of great supernatural powers in Her
every day life, I did not care to look for some special revelation. My humble
aspiration was that if I could model my life after the ideals of patience and
composure always manifested in Her, it would be more than enough for me.
Still
man’s natural impulse to see some material embodiment of divine powers in human
life, prompted me one day to enquire from Her, when I found Her alone : I
asked,—”Mother, pray, tell me, what are you in reality? She laughed out loudly and said with all affection:— “How could such
childish queries arise in your heart ? The vision of gods and goddesses appears in
accordance with one’s inherited dispositions (samskaras). I am what I
was and what I shall be; I am whatever you conceive, think or say. But it is a
supreme fact that this body has not come into being to reap the fruits of past karma.. (Prarabdha
or the results of actions of past births about to mature in this life. )Why don’t you
take it that this body is the material embodiment of all your thoughts and
ideas. You all have wanted it and you have it now. So play with this doll for
some time.
Further questions will be fruitless.”
I said,—”These words of yours, Mother, do not satisfy my yearning.” Hearing
this, She spoke with slight vehemence, —“Say, say, what more you desire” and
immediately a dazzling flood of heavenly light shone forth from Her face. I was
struck dumb with awe and wonder. All my doubts were laid at rest.
About
fifteen days later, I went to Shah-bag one morning and found the door of
Mother’s bed-room closed. I sat down in front of it some 25 to 30 feet
away. The door opened all at once. I found to my bewilderment, the figure of a
divinely beautiful goddess as genially bright as the sun at dawn, illumining
the whole interior of the room. In the twinkling of an eye She withdrew all the
radiance within Her body and Mother was there, standing and smiling in Her
usual manner.
In
a second the whole vision had passed off like the play of some supernal magic.
To me it appeared that I had dropped down from dreamland. I remembered at once
that Mother had revealed Herself in response to what I had said a few days
back. I began to recite a hymn and prayed to Her,—”May I be a worthy son of
yours, worthy to be blessed with all your motherly bounty and grace.’’
After a little while Mother advanced towards me. She picked a flower
and a few blades of durba grass [Durbadala -a common grass, the blades of which are used during
worship] and placed them on my head, as I fell at Her feet.[Those
sacred emblems were left with the wife of the translator when Sri J.C. Ray left
for Kailash]
I
was beside myself with joy and rolled on the ground at Her feet. The day that
is gone never comes back. How I wish for a happy return of that blessed day.
From
that moment a deep conviction began to take root in my mind that She was not
only my mother but the Mother of this universe. I returned home. As soon
as I collected myself, the same luminous image of Mother flashed upon my mind
and tears streamed down my cheeks. From that very day onwards Her grace worked
such a change in me and in so natural a manner that Her figure occupied the
place of the goddess whom I had worshipped all these eighteen years, since my
initiation in early youth. This change at times created some doubt in my mind
as to whether I was pursuing the right course or not. But in a few days Mother
took Her rightful place in my soul, possessing it fully.
(Mother (Her original name was Nirmala Sundari Devi)
was born in the village of Kheora, District Tripura, in 1818 Saka Era (1896,
April 30) in the early hours of Friday, 1 hour 12 mins. before dawn. The place
of Her birth has recently been acquired; when She went to Kheora on the 17th
May 1937, She, being pressed by Her devotees, indicated the exact spot where
Her body first touched the earth, Her father Bipin Bihari Bhattacharya was a
descendant of the well-known Kashyapa Brabmin family of village Vidyakut, in
the same district. His early life he passed in the house of his maternal uncle.
Both Mother’s father and mother, Sm. Mokshada Sundari Devi, had very kind and
loving nature. Their devotion to God, their simplicity and standard of social
life were almost ideal The maternal house of Mother at Sultanpur, Tripura, had
a very high social status for a long time. There were many learned Pandits and
devotees in the family. The report goes that a pious lady of the same family
mounted the funeral pyre of her husband chanting hymns merrily. Mother was
married to Sri Ramani Mohan Chakravarty of village Atpara of Vikrampur
when She was just 12 years 10 months old. He belonged to the well-known
Bharadwaj Brahmin family of that village. His life was dedicated to the welfare
of people. He was afterwards known as Baba Bholanath, Rama Pagla or Pitaji.)
Mother’s
early life, was spent unnoticed in the villages Kheora and Sultanpur. After Her
marriage She passed some time in Sreepur and Narundi, where the elder brother
of Bholanath, Her husband, worked; some months were also spent in Her husband’s
house at Atpara. Before She came to Dhaka, She had stayed for about three years
at Vidyakut and for about six years at Bajitpur with Her husband.
At Astagram was first
manifested prominently Mother’s liking for Kirtan songs (a
musical mode of devotional songs introduced by Vishnava poets, saint and
composers); at Bajitpur that mood was noticeable only at times; but the
dominant tone of Her mind during this period was the natural expression of mantric
symbolism and Yogic
practices. [ (Various
phases of psychic evolution of life with the corresponding transformation of
the physical vehicle].
When She came to Shah-bag
at Dhaka the state of Her quiescence and silence continued; but then a phase of
intense peace and tranquility became the all-pervading feature of Her life. It
is difficult to convey in words an idea of the depth of that state. During this
period what an interplay of divine thoughts and expression became manifest in
all the ways of Her life
At
this time many of Her devotees began to flock round Her. Many of them took part
in worship, devotional songs and sacrificial rites. It is difficult to describe
the ways by which their souls became steeped in tranquil bliss in Her presence.
All people would, at this
time, address Her as ‘Mother of the Shah-bag’ and would express their delight
by saying that such a wealth of Mother’s grace they had never enjoyed before in
all their life.
While
at Bajitpur the whole history of the Siddhesvari Kali temple at Dhaka had
dawned upon Her mind.
During
Her residence at Shah-bag Rai Bahadur Pran Gopal Mukherji, who has since
retired as Post Master General, was at Dhaka. He and Sri Baul Chandra Basak
found means for the preservation of the Siddhesvari Temple.
When
I met Mother first, She gave me a hint, saying,— “Your appetite for the
spiritual is not strong enough.” But to one tossed about by the turmoil of
worldly desires, such craving for higher life was not possible, unless one
could learn how to direct all the uncontrolled waves of one’s emotions and
impulses towards Her feet. I would always pray silently in the secrecy of my
heart, —”Oh Mother, you manifest yourself as Hunger in every being; * awaken in
me a real hunger for things immutable and everlasting.” How Mother, in Her
infinite mercy directed my ever fluctuating disposition towards Her
all-pervasive presence, is narrated below:—
1.
One night I was walking about on the open balcony of my house; there was a
glitter of moonlight on all objects about me. I perceived some movements by my
side and turned round. I found to my amazement, an image of Mother gliding
along with me. She wore a red chemise and a sari with a series of thin
red lines for border. But when I left the Ashram only a couple of hours back, I
had noticed on Her person a white chemise and a sari with only one broad red
border. This made me doubt the correctness of the vision. But when I went to
Her early morning on the following day, I found Her dressed exactly like what I
had seen in the preceding night. I was told that a devotee came to the Ashram
after I had left, and made Her wear those clothes.
When
Mother was told about my vision, She said in a most natural way, “I went to see
what you were doing.”
2.
One day Mother came to my house and conversed with us on the first floor; just
then a car arrived to take Her to another place. I did not know that it had
been arranged previously. Mother got ready to start; but I felt great anguish
to find Her leaving my house after such a short visit. With a sorrowful heart I
came down-stairs to see Her off. She got into the car, but it did not move
though the driver gave the start. She was looking at me with Her face beaming
with a genial laugh. When the driver failed to move the car, a hackney carriage
was brought for Her. It was painful to think that Mother would have to go in a
hired carriage when the4 car stood ready. Just at that time the car began to
move to my surprise and joy, and Mother left.
3.
The pressure of crowds at Shah-bag increased from day to day, as people came to
know about Mother. On one occasion I could not meet Her in the course of four
days. On the morning of the fifth day I had resolved to go to Her but changed
my mind. I sat down in despair in my room. I saw to my surprise the full image
of Mother appearing on the wall opposite, like a film picture. She looked quite
sad. On turning round I found Sri. Amulyaratan Choudhury standing by my chair.
He said,—”Mataji has sent a carriage to take you to Her.” When I reached the
Shah-bag garden Mother said,—” I have been noticing your restlessness for the
last few days. Peace and tranquility cannot come unless there is some
restlessness in one’s mind to start with. You should kindle fire by any means,
either with clarified butter or sandalwood or even with straw. Once alight, the
fire burns on; all worries, darkness and gloom gradually disappear. It will
burn to ashes all obstacles. You know a spark is sufficient to start a conflagration
reducing hundreds of homes and palaces to cinders.”
4.
At noon in the office, or at mid-night in my bed-room, when a very strong
desire to see Mother made me quite restless, I found Her appear before me on
many occasions and She at once would say,—”You called me and I have come”.
5. One
afternoon when I returned from office, I was told, an unknown person had left a
large fish in my house saying that he would come back shortly. But nobody
turned up. The fish lay upon the floor. When nobody appeared till dusk was cut
into pieces and sent to Mother at Shah-bag. Next morning when I went there, Pitaji
told me—”Your
Mother said to me last night, ‘Look here, Jyotish is my God”’.
On enquiry I came to learn that on the previous morning a few persons got Mother’s
prasad [,Prasad is the food that is left after the Mother has
taken some. It is distributed among the devotees.] but when in the evening
many people came to take part in Kirtan or devotional concert, they all
desired to have Mother’s prasad. There was no stock of provisions. Just
at the time when Mother was preparing spices, condiments for cooking, my
servant Khagen came with the fish and other necessary articles. And this
evoked from Her the expressions stated by Pitaji. “I was struck with surprise”,
added Bholanath, “to hear how an unknown person had brought a fish to your
house and how it could be sent with other necessaries to satisfy the devotees
clamouring for Mother’s prasad.”
Such
incidents were numerous. At Shah-bag, a man was praying for some prasad from
Mother there was nothing available there at the time. Just then a desire
impelled me to send some fruits or sweets. When my man reached there with the
things he found that Mother appeared to be waiting for them.
6.
One night at about 3 A.M., I was wide awake sitting on my bed and it flashed
upon my mind that Mother was sleeping with Her head in a direction opposite to
what She was accustomed to. At dawn when I went to Her I found Her exactly in
the same position. On enquiry I learnt that
Mother went out at 3 A.M.
and on returning She changed Her sleeping posture.
It
often happened that from my own room or from my desk at the office I could see
distinctly what Mother was doing at Her place. I could see these things without
any effort of my will; at times such pictures flashed across my mind without my
ever thinking about them. Bhupen used to go to Shah-bag every day and I could
verify the truth of my visions through him. There was hardly any discrepancy.
Mother would often say to me,—-”Your real home is at Shah-bag; you go to your
own house just for an outing.”
7.
One noon I was busy at my desk. Bhupen came and said, “Mother has asked you to
go to Shah-bag. I had informed Her that the Director of Agriculture would take
over charge of office that day on the expiry of his leave; but Mother
replied,—’You are to carry the message to Jyotish, let him do what he thinks
proper’.”
Without
a moment’s hesitation I left all the papers spread out on my desk and without
informing any body at the office I started for Shah-bag. When I arrived there,
Mother said,— “Let us go to Siddhesvari Ashram.” I accompanied Mother and Pitaji.
There was a small hollow, just where now stands a small pedestal and a Shiva
Lingam. Mother sat inside the hollow and Her face was beaming with a smile,
breathing radiant joy. I exclaimed to Pitaji: “From to-day we shall call
Mother by the name of Anandamayee”; he at once said, “Yes, be it so!”
She only glanced at me with a fixed gaze.
When
we were about to return at 5-30 P.M., She enquired, —” You were all along so
full of Joy, how is it that you now look so pale?” I replied, that the thought
of going home had made me think of the unfinished work at the office. She said,
—”You need not worry about it.” Next day when I went to office, the Director
said nothing about my absence on the previous day.
I
asked Mother why She had called me so unexpectedly the day before. She said,
“It was to test how much you have gone ahead during these few months.” She
added with a genial laugh, —”If you had not come, who else would have given a
name to this body?”
8.
Once His Excellency the Governor of Bengal came to Dhaka. The Director asked me
to attend office at 9-30 A.M., as he would go to pay a visit to the Governor. I
promised to come. Next morning I was late in returning from Shah-bag and when I
reached office it was 9-50 A.M. I was a bit nervous as to how I would meet my
boss. When I was thinking about the matter he phoned to me from his bungalow to
say that his car had gone wrong, that he was sorry to put me to trouble and
that he would go to Government House at 11 A.M.
When
Mother heard the story, She said with a laugh,— “Is it anything new to you ?
The other day you threw out of gear the car in which I was to leave.”
9.
On one occasion Mother came to our house. In the course of our talk I said
casually,—”It appears, Ma, that to you hot and cold are the same .If a piece of
burning coal fell on your feet, would you not feel the pain?” She replied,
“Just test it.” I did not press the point further.
After
a few days, taking up the thread of our previous conversation, Mother placed a
piece of burning coal on Her foot. There was deep burning sore. For one month
it did not heal up. I felt very upset about that silly suggestion of mine. One
day I found Her in the verandah with her legs stretched out and Her gaze fixed
on the sky. Some pus had gathered on the sore. I bowed down and licked the pus
up with my tongue and lips. From the following day the sore began to heal up.
I
asked Mother how She felt when the live coal was burning Her flesh. She said in
reply, “ I was not aware of any pain. It looked like nothing but fun; with
great joy I watched what the poor wretched coal was doing on my foot; I noticed
that at first some hairs, then the skin began to burn; it smelt of burn and
gradually the coal was put out after doing its work. ‘When later a sore formed,
it continued its course; but as soon as a strong desire arose in you that the
wound be healed up soon, it took a rapid turn for the better.”
10.
It was the month of Magh,
mid-winter, with biting cold. At early dawn I was walking barefoot with Mother
on the grassy fields of Ramna, wet with dew. From a distance I noticed a group
of ladies coming towards us. I thought , as soon as they arrived, they would take
Mother to the ashram. As these thoughts were passing through my mind, the whole
field was covered over with a very thick fog and the ladies could not be seen.
After some three hours when we returned to the ashram, we heard that the party
of ladies got tired trying to find us and when Mother was informed about my
thoughts, she said,” Your strong desire was fulfilled.”
11. Once Mother was
suffering much from cold and cough. Finding
her very unwell, I prayed to her with a tremulous voice of entreaty, “
Mother, may you be soon restored to health.!”
She gazed at me and said with a laugh---“From tomorrow I shall be all
right, my child.” And so it came to be.
12.
One morning I found that Mother had fever. I came back to my house and prayed
at night fervently that Her fever might pass into my body. Towards morning I
had fever and headache. When I went to Mother in the morning, as usual, she
said at once, “I am all right, but you have fever. Go back to your house, have
bath and take your usual food.” I did so and was all right by the afternoon.
Mother
always says---“By force of pure , concentrated thought everything becomes
possible.”
13.
A book named Sadhu Jivani [ Lives of Saints] got into my hands. There
appeared this line ,---He [a sadhu] used to advise his devotees always
to give good food to the poor.” I wrote the following note on the margin:
Giving food only dose not satisfy a human soul.” This book was taken to Mother
at Shah-bag and one of Her devotees read out my remark. Mother said nothing.
After a few days I went to Shah-bag quite early in the morning. Just then a man
tike one in a fit of insanity, came and said, “Give me some food or I die with
hunger.” Mother searched the kitchen store and gave to the man what She could
collect at the time. He wanted water to drink and Mother directed me to give
him some; when I came to know that the man was a Muslim, had fasted for three
days and had come into the ashram scaling over the enclosure, Mother said to me
that he had come there to teach me the efficacy of giving food and drink to one
who needs it. Everything has its proper place and time. Nothing is lost in the
divine economy of the world.
14.
One day I said to Mother,—”Ma, all these days the mantric sounds arise
in me in a continuous stream. In the daytime as well as at dead of night the
flow of the sound -naturally wells out of my heart, like the gushing jets
of a fountain.” When I said it, some slight tinge of personal satisfaction
lurked in the inmost recess of my heart. Mother gazed at me and said nothing.
When I reached home, the sound ceased and in spite of my best efforts, I could
not revive it. The day passed and night wore on, but the joyful stream of mantric
melody could not be restored. Next morning I requested Bhupen to inform
Mother about my sad plight. Bhupen met Mother on the way while She was
proceeding to a devotee’s house in a carriage. She began to laugh. It was 10
A.M. Just at that moment I found that the
choked-up stream began to
flow with its former ease. I came to know from Bhupen afterwards at what time
he had met Mother. In this connection Mother was heard to observe that in
spiritual matters, even the slightest tinge of I-ness retards one’s progress.
15. I
give below another instance of the promptness with which Mother’s benign influence
helps the growth of our inner life. It is a pity that we fail to recognise its
value and do not utilise it for our spiritual up-lift. After the first
enthusiasm is over, we relapse into our former condition.
Once
Mother said with a laugh, “As you chant the divine names or mantras [
special name or mantra with which one is initiated] , your mind
gradually loses its impurity; love and reverence for the Supreme Being awaken
and your thoughts become subtle and refined. Then glimpses of higher planes of
existence begin to dawn upon you and work for your up-lift.”
The
day I heard these words. I sat in a lonely corner of my house for evening
prayers; to my surprise I experienced a new joy at the flow of divine names.
They continued without any pause; sleep came on and as soon as I woke up, those
joyous vibrations again thrilled my being. Next day the same joyful spell went
on in an undertone due to the pressure of office routine; towards dusk, when I
disposed my mind for prayers, the bliss of the previous evening filled my
heart, so that there was no inclination to sleep at all; at dead of night the
flow was so intense, that I thought, I would feel relieved if there were a
pause. But it went on with its own momentum.
I had never practised sitting in a Gomukhi posture.
(Gomukhi---pose of the body consists in laying the legs flat on the ground on either side of the body, with erect backbone, the face looking
straight forward.
Towards the early hours of the morning before dawn I found myself in that posture. During those hours my body and mind were immersed in a sea of inexpressible joy. Tears welled out of my eyes without a stop. In one spell of meditation, I passed the whole time motionless and was completely absorbed.
16. One morning, in those early days of self-surrender, I sat in silence. My heart was full of a deep emotion for mother’s love. kripa---divine grace) A song in Bengali took shape, of which the translation is given below:—
Let Thy worship, Thy hymns of praise
be the eternal solace of my life;
Let my life brim over with the songs
of Thy adoration, thoughts of Thy Divine Grace.
I shall see Thee, Mother, in the
wide open sky with wistful eyes;
I shall not ask for any boon,
say not a word; I shall only lay myself
down
at Thy feet with tears of bliss;
I shall move about in Thy endless expanse of heaven,
scattering songs like flowers representing Thy glory.
I shall steep myself in Thy bliss, chanting Thy holy
names and sending their echoes throughout the Universe.
All my actions,
all my thoughts of religion are
Thy worship.
Oh Mother, give
me Bhakti,(spirit of adoration) firm faith, so that I may make Thy feet
the sheet-anchor of my life.
I
gave this song the title, “The song of a crazy fellow” and sent a printed copy
of it to Mother. Afterwards I heard that when it reached Her, She was cutting
and trimming a gourd for the kitchen with a billhook. While the song was being
recited to Her, the gourd fell from Her hands and She sat motionless for some
time.
When
I met Her afterwards, She said, “The world is the embodiment of Bhava (idea)
or the Idea of the Good. All created things are its material expressions.
If you can once rouse your soul with the divine bhava, you will come to
find that in this universe there runs one play of the bhava; without it
man fumbles about and misses the real import of life.”
A
few days later we were all sitting at the Siddhesvari Ashram, when Mother said,
“Sing that song of yours bearing the title of “Pagler Gaan”[the song of a
crazy fellow] .t I had long given up the practice of singing songs;
besides, there were many people present and I hesitated. Mother laughed,
saying, —”You have only composed a song of a crazy fellow, but are not yet
crazy enough to ignore the criticism of the world.” These words sank deep into
my soul and with a trembling heart and tremulous voice I sang.
I
composed many such songs and offered them at Her feet. She expressed Her
delight over some, and others She passed over with mute approval. There were
many occasions when Mother was away from Dhaka and songs welled out of my heart
during my evening prayers or during long midnight meditations. I could see
Mother’s figure standing before me motionless and listening to my raptures.
When Mother returned to Dhaka after touring different places, She would ask me
to repeat particular songs I had sung on different occasions in my own room. It
was really strange that She could name even those songs that had not in any
form been presented to Her before.
My
intense longing to be by Mother’s side, sometimes wafted me away towards
infinity. During this stage the few songs I composed were published in one
volume under the title, “Towards Thy Holy Feet” [Shree Charane] .In addition to these, there was no end to songs,
poems and short sketches which I wrote on Mother, but tore off later. When
Mother heard about it, She said, “Not only in this life but also in many of
your former births, there is no knowing how many such hymns for me were
composed and destroyed by you. But know this for certain, through all this
scrap heap, this is your last life on this earth’.
Inspired
by Mother’s all-embracing love, an aspiration for the Life Divine was kindled
in me, but my senses sought crude pleasures instead of higher and more refined
and invigorating spiritual food. In some Vaishnava treatise we read,
—”The man who hankers after the material objects of sense for indulgence of the
tongue, stomach and sex, cannot find Lord Krishna.”
Such was the case with me. Mother’s
boundless grace and affection could not hold me fast to Her Feet at all times
of my life and in all my thoughts. It is indeed difficult for a man caught in
the snares of Avidya [The illusion that the body or the mind
are the Self.]
to find an
abiding shelter of peace in the Divine.
One day I said to Mother, —”Even a piece of stone would have changed into gold at such a hallowed touch as yours, but my life has proved a dismal failure.”
She
replied,—”That which takes a long time to come into being, matures into an
enduring beauty after an equally prolonged span of development. Why do you
worry over it so much? Hold fast to my guiding hand like a trustful child.” I
listened to Her chastening words of encouragement with all eagerness, yet I
felt a scorching dryness warping every fibre of my being. I cite below an
instance to show how Her penetrating vision kept watch over my struggles.
When,
under the impulse of a deep devotion I began to seek Her presence every day,
men were not wanting who cast unworthy aspersions on my conduct. Their
reflections made me doubtful and I began to feel that it was but a common human
weakness to approach this man or that, for one’s spiritual uplift.
I
stopped going to Mother, as my mind was wavering under criticism. I decided to
read Yoga Vashishta [
a treatise in Sanskrit on Vedanta)
and improve my higher life through
the culture of the intellect. For seven or eight days I devoted myself to a
close study of the book.
One
afternoon when I was having a rest in my house, my servant informed me that an
old Brahmin (Shri Kalikumar Mukerji of
village Gaodia in Vikrampore , Dhaka) desired an interview with me for five
minutes only. I met him. He told me that he had gone to the house of my friend
Niranjan Roy
and
of Dr. Sasank Mohan Mukherji ( This
gentleman father of Gurupriya Didi, was later known as Swami Akhandananda Giri
Maharaj.]
but could not meet them.
That was why he had come to trouble me. He added, “I have heard that you are a
great devotee of Mother. Will you kindly tell me what Mother is like and what
Her special qualities are?“ At these words I sat speechless, tears rushing to my
eyes. He spoke again,—”I have received an answer to my queries; but do please
tell me why there are tears in your eyes.
“I
have been busy all these days with other matters”, I replied, “leaving off all
thought of Mother, and you have chosen to come to me to make enquiries about
Her. I have to hang down my head in shame and regret. How wonderful are
Mother’s ways! It was through Her own influence that you were led to me just in
time to bring me back to my better self. For this I am indebted to you indeed!“
He
said to me, “Please take me to Mother”. After meeting Her, he said, —”I too
lost my mother long ago, but as soon as I met Mother, my sorrow about my
mother’s death vanished altogether.”
I
narrated to Mother all that had passed in my mind and wept at Her feet. She
began to laugh and said,—”In these days unless one is forced to move along a
certain path, one cannot proceed.”
MANTRIC POWER
As
far as is known to us, Mother has not received initiation from a Guru (a
spiritual guide] according to prevalent
social custom. Not study of any Shastric text or of any religious discourse has
illumined the field of Her knowledge. Many men and women are of the opinion
that She has come down to this world to spread Divine Light and Power for the
regeneration of humanity in this age.
While
yet a girl, various strange phenomena became manifest in Her body. But they
escaped the notice of the common man. Already in the playful activities of Her
early youth there was such an attitude of detachment and unconcern about Her,
that many people came to look upon Her as one retarded in intellect. Even Her
parents had misgivings about Her future. It happened at times that She did not
know where She was, nor could She recollect what She had done or said a few
minutes ago.
The
report goes that in Her childhood She used to talk to trees and plants and
invisible beings in the air as She walked about. She would also communicate
with them by signs and gestures. Some times She would suddenly relapse into a
mood of abstraction, snapping up all talk.
From
the 17th to the 25th year of Her life various supernatural phenomena began to
manifest in Her. At times She would become mute and motionless while chanting
the names of Gods and Goddesses. During Kirtans Her body got stiff and
benumbed. After listening to a divine discourse or after visiting a temple Her
behaviour did not appear to be normal.
At
the age of eighteen, She went to Bajitpur [ a small town in
Mymensingh district, East Bengal] and stayed there for five or six
years. Towards the close of that period, many Mantras spontaneously came from
Her lips and many images of Gods and Goddesses flashed out of Her body. Her
limbs spontaneously formed into various Yogic poses. While these divine
manifestations found expression in Her body, Her speech ceased to function at
Bajitpur for about one year and three months, and when She came to Dhaka She
continued in silence for another year and nine months— thus completing three
whole years. During this period a glow of heavenly bliss and the serenity of
the infinite expanse of heaven showed in Her appearance. It became evident then
that the currents of the outer and inner worlds ceased to affect Her
altogether. She looked like one reposing in the absolute calm of the Self. Her
portrait at that stage is given overleaf.
During
all these extraordinary happenings in Her life, Pitaji [Pitaji
is the name given to Mother’s husband by her devotees] - would
often show great anxiety about their final outcome.
But
in spite of all criticism and speculation, he never stood in Her way in any of
Her actions. Fearing that Her body might be possessed by some evil spirit, the
help of some sadhus and exorcists was sought. It was of no avail; on the other
hand, when these men tried to give Her treatment they were forced to withdraw
in fear and amazement. It was only by praying for Her mercy that they could
recover their balance. During a period of full five months and a half, images
of many Gods and Goddesses manifested through Her body. She had visions of
them. She would worship those deities, after which they faded away completely.
When the worship of one deity was over, another made its appearance. During the
ceremony She would often feel that She Herself was the worshipper, the
worshipped and the act of worshipping; that She was the Mantras, the
oblation and every one of the ingredients.
In
these acts of worship there were no material objects, nor was there any desire
on Her part to perform the ceremonies. As soon as She sat in a lonely place,
all the physical and mental activities involved in acts of worship manifested
themselves by a mysterious process of self-sprung activity. It was ascertained
afterwards from persons well versed in shastric rites and rituals, which
all the various processes of worship as performed by Her, were quite in
accordance with the shastric injunctions. Whenever anyone enquired how
it could be possible for Her to observe those rites so perfectly, Her only
reply was, —”Don’t ask me anything now, you will come to know at the right
time.”
On
the 28th Chaitra [ 1923 AD] Mother arrived at Dhaka and three four
days later she came to Shah-bag [the name of the garden belonging to
the Nawab of Dhaka]. Many devotees began to
assemble there for Her darshan [ paying homage to Mother] .In the year 1925 some devotees requested her to
perform Kali Puja [ worship of the image of Kali, the goddess
of the universe), for they had heard that Her celebration of the puja
was marvelous. She replied,” I know little of the shastric rites and
rituals; it will be better if you secure the help of professional priests.”
Later, at Her husband’s request, she however agreed to perform the puja.
When
mother was worshipped by Her devotees, their joy knew no bounds. But when She
Herself chose to worship a goddess for their illumination, the dignity of such
worship increased a thousand-fold. It was too deep for words. All the devotees
felt an inexpressible joy in their hearts at the beauty and solemnity of the
ceremony.
An
image of Kali was brought. Mother sat on the ground in a meditative posture, in
absolute silence. Then, like one overwhelmed with devotion, she started the
puja, chanting mantras and placing flowers with sandal paste upon Her own head
instead of on the image. All her actions appeared to be like a doll’s
movements, as if some invisible hand were using her body as a pliant tool, fort
the expression of the divine. Occasionally some flowers were strewn on the
image of the Kali. In this manner the puja was performed.
A
he-goat was to be sacrificed. It was bathed in water. When it was brought to
mother, she took it on her lap and wept as She stroked its body gently with Her
hands then she recited some mantras touching every part of the animal’s body
and whispered something into its ear; thereafter She worshipped the weapon with
which the goat was to be sacrificed. She prostrated Herself on the ground, placing them knife upon Her own neck. Three
sounds like the bleating of a goat came from her lips. Afterwards when the
animal was sacrificed, it neither moved not uttered a cry, nor was there any
trace of blood upon the severed head or body. Only with great difficulty one
single drop of blood was last drawn from the animals’ carcass . All that time
Mother’s face glowed with an intense uncommon beauty and throughout the
ceremony there was a spell of great sanctity and deep absorption over all the
people present.
In
1926 all the devotees prayed to Mother to perform the puja once again. She said
nothing. Later when She was being taken to the house of a devotee, she raised
her left hand, smiled and remained silent. When asked by Pitaji [her husband
was often addressed by devotees as Pitaji, which means father] as to the
meaning of the gesture, she did not reply. Again when she sat in that house to
take Her food, the same movement of Her left hand was repeated. After some
days, Mother explained that on the way to the devotee’s house, She had seen
some 120 or 130 yards away, the living goddess Kali, floating in the air
about 9 yards above the ground and stretching her hands towards Mother, as if
desiring to come to Her lap. While taking Her food that day, the same image had
stood before Her like a tiny girl. That was why She had raised Her left hand.
On
the day preceding the Kali puja, when the devotees renewed their prayer
to Mother, She requested Pitaji: “As they are so eager to celebrate the puja,
you may officiate as the priest.” He said to them, “Since your Mother has
asked me to perform the puja, I shall do so. Please make all necessary
preparations.” They enquired about the size of the image, and Pitaji suggested
that it should be as high as was shown by Mother on two occasions, when She had
raised Her hand while sitting.
At
that time Mother was lying on the ground in a motionless, inert condition. A
rough measurement was taken. It was 11 P.M. There was much discussion as how in
the course of one short day an image of the indicated size could be obtained.
With great misgivings, Sri Surendra Lal Banerji went to the city from Shah-bag.
In one shop a statue of the right measurements was found. There were twelve
images in all, of which eleven had been ordered by a customer. The extra one
had been modeled by the artist on his own initiative.
The
image was brought in time. Mother sat down to perform the puja. There
was a divine atmosphere about Her person. After some time, Mother suddenly rose
from Her seat and said to Pitaji, — “I am going to my
place, please perform the puja yourself.’ Saying this She stood by the
side of the image and with a weird laughter, sat down on the ground. The whole
atmosphere of the room was surcharged with a wonderful divine rapture too deep
for words. Mother said, “All of you shut your eyes and chant the name of God.”
The
house was over-full; one man who stood outside, peeped into the room,
unobserved. Yet Mother called him by his name and commanded him to shut his
eyes. All present had their eyes closed; nobody knew at the time what had
happened. But when everyone opened their eyes it was found that a pleader, Sri
Brindaban Chandra Basak by name, lay on the ground unconscious. He stated
afterwards, “When I peeped into the room I noticed a very intense glow of light
radiating from Mother’s face. It was so powerful that I fell down, unconscious.
I do not know what happened afterwards.”
The night wore out as the puja
drew to a close. There was no provision for a sacrifice. When the time for
the last ahuti [offerings to sacrificial fire.]
arrived, Mother said, “It must not be offered, let the sacrificial fire be preserved.” That fire has been kept burning to this day.
I. It was later brought from Dhaka to
Vindhyachal and Varanasi, where it is still being carefully preserved in a
special little temple at the Ashram. The same fire was used for the great Savitri
Maha Yajna performed there from 1947-1950, about which a book has appeared in
Bengali and Hindi called “Akhanda Mahayajna.”
|
|
|
Ma in
divine ecstasy during Kirtan |
The next day, the immersion
of the image was to take place. Niranjan’s wife arrived with all the articles
necessary for the ceremony. When she looked at the image, she said to Mother
with emotion, ”Ma, I feel extremely reluctant to immerse the image. “ Mother
replied, ”These words from your lips show that the Goddess does not wish to be
immersed. Very well, arrangements shall be made for its preservation and
worship.”
Through great changes of
circumstances, this statue of clay was kept standing in the same posture for
ten years.
Two incidents may be
mentioned in connection with this image. It was in September, 1927. Mother was
leaving Chunar for Jaipur. I was at Chunar then for a change and went to the
station to see Her off. Mother indicated a certain spot net the hillock on
which the fort was built and told me to go there on my way back. I would find a
garland of flowers there which I should take and preserve carefully. I did as I
was told. When She came back to Chunar , She saw the wreath. Afterwards when
She returned to Ramna, it was discovered that on the particular day on which I
found the garland at Chunar, no garland had been placed round the neck of the
goddess Kali at Ramna though it was the priest’s usual practice to offer
such a garland to the image every day.
On another occasion Mother was at Cox’s Bazaar in Chittagong at the seaside. She was strolling along the beach when She suddenly said with a smile, ”Look ay my wrist ; is it broken? Isn’t it? Just examine it closely; there may be a fracture.” That very same night a thief had entered the Kali temple at Ramna and stolen Kali’s ornaments, breaking the wrist of the image.
This idol
is still preserved in an underground cave at the Ramna Ashram.;[ The once- famous ashram of Ma was razed to
the ground by the Pakistan’s army during the liberation war in Bangladesh in
1971 and the whole ashram area is at the present under the custody of the
Bangladesh Government. — Publisher.] Every year during Mother’s birthday celebrations, the
door is kept open for all people to have a darshan. It was Mother’s
great desire that the gates of our temples should be thrown open to all classes
of people irrespective of caste and creed.
On one occasion there was Vasanti Puja [Worship of the Divine Mother during the
spring season, which is now being done every year in the Varanasi ashram) ]in the Siddheshvari Ashram. Mother was present
during the ceremony of instilling life into the image. As She gazed at it, its
eyes began to sparkle like those of a living person.
Mother
says, —“The personality and figures of gods and goddesses are as real as your
body and mine. They can be perceived with the inner vision opened up by purity,
love and reverence.”
THOUGHT
POWER
Every
single thought of Mother is the outcome of Supreme Beatitude [
playful expression of Supreme Bliss] on closer scrutiny you will find every fibre
of Her Being vibrant with Divine Bliss.
In
order to play Her Ananda Leela with Her children She
has taken on a bodily form, instinct with all the joys of the Divine. It is but
natural that for the good of all human beings, the best ideas on life and
spiritual culture should find expression, develop and, as it were, take shape
through Her and finally vanish into the unknown.
If
one studies Her closely one will find that She unfolds Herself in two ways: (1)
The beauty of her outward behaviour towards all people (2) and the grace of Her
inner life. The perfectly calm, sweet and natural manner which She manifests
with all classes of people, with the most pious as well as the most sinful,
with little children and restless youths as well as with old people bent down
by age and infirmities, reveals a wonderful grace, exquisite beauty and dignity
which at once captivate all hearts. Her other mode of life deals with the
forces and powers of the invisible world,— those heavenly agents, incorporeal
beings, that bring happiness and misery, blessings and curses on mankind.
The interplay of these two
aspects of Her life is wonderfully coherent and close.
During
Her younger days as well as after coming to Dhaka, Mother spent much of Her
time lying on a bed. We came to know that She lost Herself for hours together
in Divine ecstasy, which no words can express. In this condition She passed
sometimes several days at a stretch in deep self-absorption, and during Kirtan
songs and dances Her body took on various poses all indicating a state of
Supreme Bliss.
In
1332 B.E. (1926), there was a kirtan (a kind of devotional
“song” sung by all present] party
in the Shah-bag garden on the occasion of Uttarayan Sankranti( last
day of the month of Pous—about the middle of January] It was the first public kirtan celebration in Mother’s
presence. About this time Sri Shashibhushan Das Gupta came from Chittagong. At
the first sight of Mother, his heart was filled with a spirit of deep devotion.
There was quite a rush of people at the time; he was gazing at Mother’s face
and tears streamed down his cheeks. He said to me,—”I find before me what I
have never seen in my whole life. She appears to me to be the visible
embodiment of the Mother of the Universe.
Kirtan
started at 10 A.M. while Mother was putting vermilion on the foreheads of the
assembled ladies. Suddenly the vermilion case dropped from Her hand. Her body
sank down flat to the ground and began to roll on it; then She slowly rose and
stood on the two big toes of Her feet. Both hands were raised straight up, Her
head slightly tilted to one side and a little backwards, and Her radiant eyes
stared with a steady gaze towards the far end of the sky.
A
little later, She began to move in that posture. Her body appeared to be filled
with a heavenly presence. She paid no heed to Her clothes hanging loosely on
Her person. No one had the power or the inclination to stop Her. Her whole body
danced on with measured beats in a most delicate way and reached the place
where kirtan was going on; Her body then noiselessly melted down as it
were, upon the floor. It rolled on, led by some mysterious power, like the dry
leaves of a tree moved slowly by a gentle breeze.
After some time, while
still lying on the floor, very soft, sweet musical strains came from Her lips, ”Harey murare madhukaitabharey”. Tears rolled down Her cheeks in an unbroken stream.
After some hours She recovered Her normal condition.
Her glowing face, Her sweet ineffable looks, Her soft, tender voice brimming over with emotion, all reminded the people assembled of the images of Sri Chaitanya Deva, as described in his biographies. All the physical changes observed long long ago in Lord Gouranga manifested themselves again in Her person on that occasion.
At
dusk when Mother entered the kirtan hall, all the symptoms of the midday
trance re-appeared. After a lapse of some time, she uttered words with such
clear, soft accents and sweet thrills of divine emotion that the audiences were
speechless with heavenly bliss.
After the distribution of sweets at the end of the Kirtan
Mother Herself distributed prasad [ Offering to the deity after the Kirtan is
over)
with so
much grace and elegance and there was such an expression of divine motherliness
in Her manner, that the people felt Mother Lakshmi must be incarnate in
Her body. Shashi Babu and others present realised that day that Mothers body
was but a vehicle for the infinite Grace of God.
About
that time, Niranjan [ an Income Tax officer then posted at Dhaka. He
hailed from Chittagong district] came to
Dhaka as Assistant Commissioner of Income Tax. One evening I went to Shah-bag
with him, when New-Moon Kirtan songs were being sung. As the Kirtan progressed
many changes became visible in Mother. She sat up very straight, then her head
gradually bent backwards till it touched Her back; hands and feet, twisted and
twined till the whole body fell flat on the floor.
In
concord with Her breath, Her body was thrown into rhythmic surges like waves
and with Her limbs stretched out it rolled on the ground in time to the music.
Just as the fallen leaves of a tree roll on lightly, blown by the wind, so
light and delicate were Her movements. No human being, in spite of his best
efforts could have imitated them. Everybody present felt that Mother was dancing
under the impact of heavenly forces, which moved Her whole being in wave-like
thrills. Many tried to stop Her without any success. At last Her movements
ceased and She remained motionless like a lump of clay. She appeared to be
steeped in all-permeating, all-pervading Bliss. Her countenance was aglow with
a heavenly light, Her whole body overflowing with Divine Ananda.
Niranjan
stood dumb, watching the sight for the first time in his life and was reciting
a hymn in praise of the Goddess of the universe. “To-day,’ he exclaimed, “1
have seen a real Goddess.”
On
another occasion there was quite a crowd of people during Kirtan at
Shah-bag. Mother went into a state similar to the one just described. But this
time She reclined on the floor from Her sitting posture. Her breath was almost
suspended; She stretched out Her hands and feet and lay on the ground with Her
face downward. Then She rolled on nimbly in a wavelike motion. After a while,
like one overwhelmed by a great upward urge She rose from the ground slowly,
without any support and stood upon Her two big toes, barely touching the
ground. Her breath appeared to have stopped completely, Her hands were lifted
up towards the sky; Her body had only very slight contact with the ground, Her
head was bent backwards touching Her back, the eyes were directed towards the
mid-sky with a glowing stare. As a wooden doll moves about under the pull of a
hidden string held by the operator behind the screen,
She stepped along. Her eyes were radiant with a divine
glow, Her face beamed with a heavenly sweet smile and Her lips sparkled with
joy. After a short while, supporting Her whole body on Her two big toes and
keeping time with the kirtan, She moved like a being of the air, as if
the whole weight of Her body was being pulled up by some invisible power from
above.
She
remained in this posture for a long time. Afterwards Her eyes slowly closed and
She lay on the ground like a hump of flesh, Her head bent backwards. Next
morning at about 10 A.M. She came back to Her normal state.
One
day there was kirtan at Niranjan’s house. All the inmates, especially
his old mother, were very eager to see Mother in a trance. The old lady
silently prayed to Mother that she might be blest with the sight. Mother was
lying on the floor in the adjoining room. Suddenly She rushed into the room
where kirtan was in progress and with Her divinely reposeful voice took
part in the song and began to dance with the party. After a little while She
sank to the ground. On recovering Her usual state She remained silent for a
long time.
Besides
the symptoms mentioned here, the emanations from Her mind-body found expression
in so many ways that it is impossible to describe them in words. When Her body
rolled on the floor, it sometimes drew out to an unusual length; at other times
it shrank to a very small size; sometimes it rolled itself up into one round
lump of flesh; on a different occasion it seemed without bones, bouncing like a
rubber ball as it danced on.
But
the speed of all Her movements was of the quickness of lightning, which made it
almost impossible to follow them even with the keenest eye.
During
that period we felt convinced that Her body was possessed of divine forces,
which made it dance in a variety of beautiful poses. It appeared to be so full
of ecstatic joy that even the roots of the hairs on Her body swelled, causing
them to stand on end. Her complexion turned crimson. All the self-initiated
expressions of a Divine state appeared to be crowded into the narrow frame of
Her body and they manifested all the exquisite beauties of the Infinite in
countless graceful and rhythmic ways.
But
She looked like one far above, completely detached from all these
manifestations and untouched by the thrills brought about by their interplay.
They appeared to come naturally through Her body from some lofty sphere of
existence.
One
day I asked Mother, —’When your body is physically asleep in samadhi [divine ecstasy in which all physical and mental functions are suspended) do you
find any Divine Presence appearing before your vision?‘ Her reply was, —
“As I have no fixed aim, there is no need for it; this body does not act with
any purpose. Your strong desire to see this body in states of samadhi, causes
its symptoms to manifest at times. Whenever any thought reaches its full
intensity, its physical expressions will invariably follow. If one loses one’s
being in the contemplation of the Divine Name, one can merge oneself in the
ocean of Heavenly Beauty. God and His symbolic names are one and the same; as
soon as the consciousness of the outside world disappears, the self-revealing
power of the Name inevitably finds its objective expression.”
During
kirtan a supernatural, Divine state used to come upon Her body. We have
heard from Her own lips that there was a time when She would see fire, water,
the sky or some unusual sight. At such times, Her body tended to become
transformed into any of these. In the presence of a gust of wind She would feel
an impulse to let Her body fly away like a rag of thin cloth; or when She heard
a deep prolonged sound of a conch-shell, Her whole body tended to freeze as it
were, and became static like a marble slab. Whenever any thought-wave passed
through Her mind, a corresponding physical expression swept over Her whole
body.
On
one occasion She joined some children in their laughing games and began to
laugh so heartily that her laughter could not be stopped even after an hour’s
effort. She paused for a minute or two, only to start laughing again. Though
sitting in the same posture, there was an unearthly expression in Her looks.
Many of those present were startled by it. After some time She gradually
recovered Her normal composure.
Another
day She was on Her way to Dhaka from Calcutta. Many boys and girls, ladies and
gentlemen came to the station to see Her off. They were all weeping at the
prospect of the separation. Mother too joined them and began to weep so
bitterly that it was impossible to stop Her. A crowd had already gathered. They
said, “Most probably the weeping lady is a newly married bride who is being
taken from her father’s house to her husband’s.” The impulse of weeping that
day continued from noon to dusk.
One
day She asked me,-—”Where is the centre of your laughter and crying ?“ My
reply was,—”Though all stimulation flows from the brain, the real centre lies
in some vital spot near the heart.”
Mother
said,—”When there is real feeling behind your laughter or crying, it seeks
expression through every fibre of your body.” I could not follow the meaning
and kept silent. After a few days I went to the Ashram early in the morning. I
met Mother and was taking a walk with Her. I asked Her,—”Mother, how are you
today ?“ She responded with such an emphasis, “I am very, very
well’, that my whole being from head to foot throbbed and danced with the
vibration of Her words and I halted on the way suddenly, almost losing myself.
Mother
noticed my confusion and said, —”Do you realise now where lies the centre of
our laughter and weeping? When any feeling or thought is expressed by only one
part of our body, its full force does not come into play.”
I
have heard from Mother’s lips that when all the thoughts of the devotee flow in
one stream towards God, all the sense objects come under its influence. At that
stage even the fall of a leaf from a tree creates ripples in the field of his
consciousness. During the earlier stages of Mother’s life whatever happened in
the outside world found response in Her nature spontaneously.
After
Her deep trance as soon as Mother recovered Her normal serenity, many yogic
activities manifested themselves automatically; at that time one could hear
some indistinct humming sound emanating from Her. A little later rumbling notes
like the surging of sea-waves lashed by a storm followed; thereafter an
uninterrupted, supremely melodious flow of divine truths emerged from Her lips
in the shape of numerous Sanskrit hymns. It seemed that from the eternal sky
divine truths were taking shape in sound symbols through Mother’s speech. Such
flawless pronunciation, such free flow of melody touching the inmost core of
the listeners, received added charm from the Divine radiance of Her face. Even
learned Vedic scholars could hardly have acquired Her free and easy mode of
expression in spite of their best training and practice.
The
richness of meaning in all these spontaneous utterances of Mother has been a
surprise to savants; the language, in which the verses were couched, could not
easily be comprehended and therefore it was not possible to write them down
fully and accurately.
Four
such sacred hymns that could be taken down in parts have been recorded. We
approached Mother for verification and correction. Her reply was,—”There is no
trace of them now in my mind; they will be attended to later if necessary.
One
of the four hymns is:
{This entire passage
is in Sankrit in the Devanagari script.)
Note:
On the 20th of Vaisakh 1336 Mother left the Ramna Ashram having stayed there
for 24 hours after the installation of the deity. She was dressed in a sari
only. Just at that time this hymn came from Her lips. She asked Her devotees to
write it down. She was in an ecstatic condition then and only a portion of the
hymn could be transcribed. One cannot vouch for its correctness. But She gave
permission to sing it to the accompaniment of musical instruments before
starting Kirtan.
The translation is given below:
‘Thou
art the Light of the universe and its controlling and guiding spirit. Do thou
appear in our midst! From Thee a cobweb of worlds is spreading out at every
moment. Thou art the dispeller of all fears; do Thou appear before us! Thou art
the seed of the universe; Thou art the Being in whom I reside. Thou art present
in the hearts of all these devotees. Do thou, whom I find present before me,
banish the fears of all created beings. Thou art the embodiment of all gods and
much more. Thou hast come out of me and I am the epitome of the created world.
Let us contemplate the very Foundation of this universe, through Whom the world
seeks liberation. Thou standest on Thy own eternal basic nature. Thou hast come
out of the Pranava the seed-word and base of all existence and the truth
of all. The Vedas are but sparks from They eternal Light. Thou dost symbolise
the heavenly couple, Kama and Kameshvari who are dissolved
together in all-permeating Bliss Supreme and signified by Nada and Bindu when differentiated
for keeping up Thy Lila. Do Thou dispel the fears of the world!
“I
seek refuge in Thee. Thou. art my shelter and final resting place. Draw Thou my
whole being into Thine. As the Deliverer Thou dost appear in two forms—the
liberator and the devotee seeking liberation. By me alone are all created in my
own image; by me all are sent into the world; and in me all find final refuge.
I am the final cause indicated in the Vedas by Pranava ( Om kara) I am Mahamaya and Mahabhava all in one.
Devotion to me is the cause of Moksha (liberation). All are mine. To me Rudra
owes all his powers and the self-same I sing to the glory of Rudra, who
becomes manifest in all actions and in their causes”.
From
this translation it will be evident that Mother’s thought-body has expressed
itself in speech for the welfare, peace and progress of the world. Her
boundless love and compassion for all living beings radiates in all directions
and She sits Supreme at the centre embracing the universe.
In
connection with these hymns, Mother said on one occasion, “The one Eternal Word
is the prime cause of the universe; with the evolution of that ever-abiding
Word, the progress of the material life of creation goes on in parallel lines.”
During
that phase of Mother’s life when many such hymns were revealed, Her voice
sometimes became as sharp and piercing as a sword; at other times it was as
soothing as the evening zephyr; and on certain days it breathed a power full of
tranquility and deep bliss like the influence of the full-moon sky at midnight.
With the changes in Her tunes the expression of Her eyes and face underwent
corresponding transformations.
On
some occasions hymns were revealed through Her lips accompanied by an unceasing
flow of tears; a wonderfully bright, soothing smile with an alternate play of
laughter and weeping, like that of sunshine and rain, gave Her blissful face a
heavenly charm and serenity. When the singing of those hymns was over, She
would either remain silent for a long time or lie down on the floor in a
posture of inmost absorption.
YOGIC POWER
Mother
has said that for some time Her body went through a stage during which the
various Yogic poses (Asanas, Mudras etc.) manifested themselves
naturally. They also often appeared when She was in seclusion, away from the
sight of men. In this connection Mother stated on one occasion,—”Just as you
have to keep a seed in darkness under a thin layer of earth exposed to light
and air before it shoots forth sprouts, so also behind all the usual external
activities of a devotee, many subtle changes come quite unnoticed upon him,
through the influence of invisible powers.
At
times, Her hands, feet and neck bent with such a stiff twist that there seemed
to be no possibility of their regaining their normal positions.
On
one occasion, Mother said, “Such a halo of light
flashed
from this body that all the space around it was illumined. That light gradually
seemed to melt away enveloping the universe.” In that condition She would cover
up Her whole body with an extra piece of cloth and for a long time retire to a
solitary corner of the house, away from the sight of men.
During
this period Her body emanated such a divine power that at Her glance people
forgot all about themselves and were steeped in heavenly delight; when touching
Her feet some would even fall unconscious. The places on which She would lie or
sit became intensely heated.
At
Dhaka I have myself witnessed Mother in various yogic poses. At times Her
breath was either suspended altogether for a long time or became so feeble or
fluctuating that we were afraid Her life would be extinct through suffocation.
One
day, when I showed Her illustrations
of some yogic poses in a book, She pointed out certain defects in them
regarding specific positions of the feet, thigh, head and other parts of the
body.
Those
people who have been fortunate enough to be near Her for some time, must have
noticed how She would sit in a particular posture for several hours together
without the slightest movement, or relapse into absolute silence in the midst
of conversation. In this condition Her body became inert like a statue, Her
eyes unwinking and steady, directed to the remotest corner of the sky, and Her
appearance delightfully sweet and serene. In all these states it was quite
evident that her soul was steeped in Supreme Bliss, while Her physical body was
performing mechanically the daily round of duties of Her social life. During
those states of absorption in the Divine, She felt neither hunger or thirst,
nor extremes of heat and cold, unless special attention was drawn to them. Even
after physical consciousness dawned on Her, She took much time to regain Her
normal condition.
We
have also noticed on several occasions that if, during those phases of self-
absorption, She was left to Herself for some days continuously, She would often
forget how to talk, walk or laugh or even to distinguish between different
articles of food and drink.
Many people desire to witness instances of Her occult powers. To them I would
suggest that they should spend a few days near Her and realize the wonderful
spiritual influences that radiate from Her at every moment, by which even the
most barren hearts would blossom forth in a new lease of life. By Her natural
will to secure the welfare of all sentient beings, people are imperceptibly
guided into the ways of Her expansive spiritual life.
One
afternoon I went to Shah-bag with Niranjan. Mother and Bholanath were seated.
Some pictures had been drawn on the floor. Bholanath said,—’Your Mother has
drawn these figures of the solar plexuses in the human body.” On hearing this
She said
“While
walking about at noon, I sat down here in a yogic posture when I observed some
lotus-like vital centres from the highest centre in the brain right down along
the spinal cord to its lowest end, a few inches apart from each other. I saw
clearly that from the lowest tip of the spinal cord upwards (muladharar
urdhwam] there lay many finer and finer centres, of which only
the six chief-ones have been drawn here. I have not drawn them deliberately my
hand has automatically moved about on the floor and these pictures are the
result of those movements.
“You
should note that through these vital areas of interlacing nerves, function the
inherited impulses, acquired dispositions, emotions, various urges,
thought-cycles and notions of life and death etc. which find their way
downwards from the highest brain-centre, in response to the stimulation from
all the sense organs. Streams of life and of vital fluid course swiftly or
slowly through those channels and guide the life-processes and thought-currents
of man. Just as you find that earth, water, fire, air and the space beyond the
atmosphere, interpenetrate one another, so also ~these six chief centres lie
inside the body apparently one above the other, but functioning in mutual
interdependence as one vital chain. A little reflection will convince you that
the play of life goes on in the upper centres of your body when your thoughts
are pure and full of bliss. Just as you find that springs of water lying at the
bottom of a well or a tank keep up a constant supply, or just as the sap of
plant-life lies underground deep down about the roots, so at the lowest end of
the spinal cord (muladharah] lies asleep the fountain of the
giant vital forces derived ultimately from the sun, from where issue forth the
streams of your life. When with great patience and sanctity you strive to
purify your inner and outer vehicles, the resulting vibrations of your thoughts
strike ever higher and higher centres, releasing their tension, freeing the
pent-up life force at the lowest centre to
seek outlets upwards. Then
all the lethargy, primal urges and samskaras of the devotee gradually fade away like mists before the
sun’s rays; along with the unleashing of the block, our attachment to the
objects of the senses begins to relax, and the inner life starts taking shape.
“When the upward drive of the life-force reaches the vital centre at the parting of the eyebrows, the inner stream of the vital fluid flows with ease and purity quite evenly all over the human system, with the result that the devotee comes to realise something of the nature of the ego, the world and creation. If a man continues in this stage for long, all his prenatal, inherited dispositions and urges gradually become weaker and weaker; his mind reaches ever higher and higher levels of contemplation, ever deeper centres of the life-force.
“When
the devotee reaches beyond the highest vital centre which is situated between
the eye brows, (dvidala or twin-petalled chakra]
his mental powers merge in the
supra-mental, his ego dissolves in Mahabhava [ a
state of deep love for the Divine] and
he finds his eternal refuge in Swarupa
[Supreme
reality of the Atma) He then goes into Samadhi
a state of perpetual bliss.
As
the different vital centres begin to open up, different sounds are perceived
inwardly and the devotee comes to feel the sounds of conches, bells, flutes
etc. all merging in the
cosmic rhythm of one great
voice of infinite silence. At that stage no thought or object of the outside
world can distract his attention. As he advances, his being gets dissolved in
the bottomless depth of that blissful music that pervades the whole universe
and he finds eternal repose.”
Two
or three years after this statement of Mother I showed Her the pictures of six
vital centres published in Justice Woodroffe’s “Serpent Power.” Mother did not
even glance at them and said, laughing, heartily :—“Listen to what this body
tells you.” She then described each centre, the nature of the lotuses, their
colour and the number of petals with the corresponding Yantras- and Man tras.
I found that the pictures in the book accurately represented what Mother
described.
She
added, “I have not read about these centres in any book, nor have I ever before
heard anything about them from anyone. The description I gave, is from my
actual experience.” On further enquiry, She replied, “The colours of those
vital centres that you find in the pictures are but their external tinge. The
same substance of which our brain is made also forms these plexuses, but their
shapes, structures and functions vary; each one has its special characteristics
and distinctive qualities like the eye, or the ear of the navel or even the
lines on the palms of your hands. In them there is the ever-changing play of
various colours and sounds and their symbols called Mantras [ Beej or seed mantra] ,—all
being the natural results of the movement of the life-force and the flow of the vital
fluid. During the earlier stages, when various mantras issued from these
lips accompanied by transformations of the breath, at times questions like
“What are these?“ flashed across my mind. The reply came from
within and the inner structure of all those solar plexuses became distinctly
visible to me like the pictures you have put before me. When a person regularly
prays, performs pujas and yogic practices, meditates and reflects on the
higher truths of existence with sufficient concentration and steadiness, the
mind substance gets purified, thoughts become refined and the centres unfold
themselves; otherwise no human being can find an escape from the storm and
stress of physical urges like lust, greed and anger.”
One day Mother went to Siddhesvari ashram with
all who were present. That place was then in a very neglected condition. An
altar was there about i~ cubit square and ~ cubit in height. Mother sat
upon it. All the devotees sat around silently and- absorbed in their own
thoughts. Her body gradually shrank so much in size that everybody had the
impression that only Her sari was left on the altar. Nobody could see
Her. All were wondering what would happen next. Gradually there was a stir
underneath the cloth and very slowly and gently a body took shape and She
appeared, sitting straight up. For nearly half an hour She looked towards the
sky with a steadfast gaze and said,—
“For your
life’s work you have brought down this body.”
Mother says,—”Just as a paper-kite flies high up into
the sky, relying on a fine thread, the yogi relying upon his life breath
and a slender thread of samskara can float in the air; he can shrink his
physical body into a speck of dust or assume an enormous size or can even
vanish out of sight.”
We
have heard that many people got initiation from Mother in the dream-state,
while others got flowers along with mantras and have actually found
those flowers when roused from sleep. But none of us have ever known Mother to
directly initiate a devotee.
We
have also heard from many people that in their own homes far away from Mother,
they were startled to find Mother’s figure actually present before their eyes
for a very brief period.
While
I was at Dhaka seriously ill with an attack of acute T.B., Mother was in
North-Western India. When She returned to Dhaka, She said to me ”At midnight on
two particular dates this body entered your room by a particular door of your
house and went out by another. Your condition n those two days was very
critical.”
On
referring to the account-book where the daily expenses including doctor’s fees
and medical charges were entered, it was discovered that on those two days
doctors had actually been called at night.
There
were also cases when Mother passed by a group of men, but only one or two of
them could see Her. She says, “I am ever present with you all, but you have
little yearning
to see me. What can I do ? Know it for certain, I have my eyes fixed on what
you do or omit doing”.
On
one occasion Mother was to get into the train at Goalando. The doorstep of the
train was very high from the platform. There was rheumatic stiffness in Her
right arm then. When at Her bidding Gurupriya Devi caught hold of Her left hand
and pulled Her up into the compartment, Mother’s body appeared to be as light
as a baby’s. On some occasions on the other hand, it was found to be awfully
heavy.
Mother
tells us that whether moving about or resting, nothing produces any change in
Her. She is ever wide-awake. Sometimes after rising from Her bed She says that
She has seen certain incidents happening in a particular place; subsequent
inquiry confirms the truth of Her statements.
I
used to see Mother by my side either like a flash of lightning or like a
shadowy, steady figure; sometimes it took on a definite condensed form and
moved about, making changes in my environment which lasted even after its
disappearance.
Towards
the end of 1930, Mother was staying at Cox’s Bazaar, some 300 miles away from
Dhaka. At Dhaka I was sitting on my bed during the early hours of the morning
thinking of Mother. I heard Her whisper, “Erect a temple within the ashram area.”
I
started up when I heard it. I knew that Mother never commands anybody to do
anything. I mused and mused over it. Such whispers must have come from Mother,
I presumed. But a doubt crossed my mind, “Why should Mother’s whispers be so
indistinct?” Her normal voice was distinct, clear-cut, resonant,
lively. But when I wrote a letter to Cox’s Bazaar I came to learn that Mother
had been observing silence for a few days and on that particular morning at 8
a. m. She had begun to talk. When Mother returned to Dhaka I was informed that
She had begun to murmur some words much earlier in the morning, but few people
could distinguish them. After hearing that command from Mother, the
construction of the temple was taken up in right earnest.
She
always says that She can see the ethereal bodies of many saints who died long,
long ago. One day She remarked, “Just as you all are sitting around me, there
are many disembodied spirits crowding over there. They are as real as
yourselves.”
She
also says that She can see the various shapes which different diseases possess.
When they seek admittance into Her body, they are allowed free scope. “Since
there is but One Life in this universe, diseases are neither called nor sent
away by me. Just as you all are a source of Anandam to me, they too give
me equal joy.”
In
May 1929, Mother left Dhaka, but for some reasons many obstacles hampered Her
free passage; when She came back to Dhaka in the month of August, She had fever.
Many supernatural symptoms began to appear in Her body. She commanded that Her
body should be allowed to take up various asanas, sitting down or lying
flat on the ground, according to its spontaneous urges. For full one hour this
went on. Mother said afterwards, all those had been yogic postures. Seeing
these manifestations people feared that She might give up Her body. Afterwards
her limbs were found to be lacking in cohesion: whether standing or sitting all
Her limbs would hang down loosely and could not move unless they were properly
supported. Along with these reactions She had high fever, looseness of the
bowels, passing blood with stools and urine and all symptoms of dropsy. Four or
five days passed in this way when Bramacharini Gurupriya Devi implored Her,
“Mother, we cannot manage the nursing of your body; have compassion on us.”
After this prayer, the flabbiness of Her body disappeared, but the fever and
other symptoms continued as before: for five or six more days. Sixty to seventy
bucketfuls of water were poured over Her head, between 11 A.M. and 5 p.m. But
the temperature never came down. Still She would not take any medicine. A
Kaviraj was called in, who examined Her and said,—”We can treat ordinary human
beings, but the ways of Mother are totally different.” Finding Her prostrate on
the sickbed, all the devotees became deeply anxious and prayed to Her to heal
Her own body.
On
the following morning Mother said, “Prepare a rice dish for this body.” She,
who had been laid up with high fever and dropsy, quite prostrate almost without
any movement continuously for seventeen or eighteen days, was prescribing for
Herself Her normal diet of rice, dal and vegetables! Everybody was struck with
surprise.
However,
according to Her directions rice, dal, and vegetables were prepared; three or
four persons were busy keeping Her body in position and putting food into her
mouth. She ate a small quantity of each dish. Many apprehended some serious
complications as a result of such a diet after protracted fever. But She
recovered gradually.
Referring
to the physical disorder described above, Mother said on one occasion: -“This
body moves in tune with Nature, its natural course must have somehow been
thwarted from its normal functioning. To make you realise the unhappy
consequences of causing obstruction to its natural urges, the derangements of
all its vital functions became manifest. Had there been any actual disease this
body would have either perished altogether or been disabled.
“While
lying in bed, I was not conscious of any discomfort or uneasiness. I felt as if
in a state of health. Amidst your anxious movements to and fro and the changes
going on within this body I was aware of a symphony of music and delight.”
From
all Her actions it appears that Nature, obedient to Her will, as it were, helps
Her body to function. My conviction is that if we pay proper heed to the
natural expressions of Her will, refrain from disturbing the atmosphere about
Her with the ripples of our individual likes and dislikes, and carry out
implicitly what She says, we can enjoy boundless happiness by witnessing the
beautiful functioning of Her Will; at the same time we shall have the good
fortune of obtaining many opportunities for self-culture.
In
our childhood we played with dolls following our whims; we built tiny houses of
sand and clay to satisfy our momentary pleasure and then turned to new toys;
even now we are playing the same game in our dealings with Mother with equal
thoughtlessness and impulse. At times such apprehensions crowd upon my mind.
At
the Vindhyachal ashram in the course of conversation Mother said to Brahmachari
Kamalakanta, “Even after so many years very few people realise what I wish; if
they did, such thoughtless questions as, “What do you want ? What is your wish?“
would never be asked. One must sincerely try to understand me as much as
lies within the range of one s capacity and in order to grasp what I want, one
must shake one’s mind free from self-pride, desire for fame and glory, from
anger and sorrow, from self-conceit and finally from self-will which leads a
man to feel that he is a free agent in all his actions”.
If
under Her stirring influence we could constantly purify ourselves by following
silently what She enjoins us to do, we would have realised our mission by
finding in our own lives an opportunity to see the glory of Her Universal
Motherhood.
One
day I was having a walk with Mother on the Ramna ground. She did not speak. I
realised that the spirit of absolute silence had come upon Her. She came back
after walking about aimlessly for some time. For eight to ten days She was
absolutely mute. No songs, gestures or suggestions, not even a smile emanated
from Her. She used to sit quietly absorbed in Her own inner self. If anybody
spoke to Her, Her eyes or attention were not drawn to it. She sat
self-contained like the statue of the Lord Buddha. When eating Her lips parted
only a little, to close again shortly after taking a very small morsel. During
this state of silence it appeared that all Her connection with the outer world
was completely cut off. After eight or ten days She began to mumble a few
broken words. We had the impression that She was again re-learning to use Her
vocal organs and to recover the power of speech. Thus passed three days when She
gradually resumed Her normal way of speaking. I had the good fortune of seeing
Mother twice or thrice in similar states.
During
these phases of silence Her reposeful appearance. Her solid but serene
composure, Her gracious looks and glowing face, all roused our love and
reverence. The more one gazed at Her with wistful eyes, the greater would one’s
desire grow to look at Her face. At first, after Her marriage, when Mother kept
silent for three years, many would express their sorrow thinking that She was absolutely
dumb, and say, “Alas, it is a pity, a gross injustice of God; He has made this
beautiful girl dumb, though He has bestowed upon Her all the best virtues of
womanhood.”
Mother
says, “If you desire to observe real silence, your heart and mind must fuse so
closely, into one thought that your whole nature, inwardly and outwardly may
freeze, as it were, into the condition of an inert stone. But if you merely
want to abstain from speech, it is a different matter altogether.”
Four
pictures of Mother’s yogic poses are available. The first picture has been
discussed in the first chapter; the second one was taken after a long spell of
illness. But when the third and the fourth pictures were taken, She at first
sat in a natural way, but the expressions of the supramental state of
absorption came upon Her later.
STATE OF SAMADHI
When
Mother was approached with a prayer to let us know the various stages of sadhana,
She indicated four levels
(i) Concentration of intellectual powers on a focal point. It is like setting fire to dry fuel. When wet wood has been dried by the heat of fire, the flames blaze up brightly, Similarly when by the force of contemplation of the Divine, our mind is released from the mist and moisture of desires and passions it becomes light. It is a condition of mental purity which induces in certain cases a state of silent merging into a particular mood or into an excess of emotion and agitation beyond one’s power of control. All these moods emanate from one supreme existence but only in special directions.
(ii)
Concentration of one’s emotional powers. It brings in a state of bodily
inertness, of absorption in one holy sentiment arising out of one, indivisible
supra-mental state. At this level the body may be likened to a burnt charcoal
with the fire apparently gone out. In this state the devotee passes hours
together in a state of outer inertness; but in the core of his heart surges up
an unceasing current of sublime emotion. When this state matures the sentiment
draws mighty powers from the All-Soul, and just as a vessel overflows when too
much water is poured into it, it spreads out over the wide world in a mighty
sweep under the intense pressure of expansiveness.
(iii) Fusion of the inner and outer life. This state is just like that of a burning coal. Fire pervades every atom of the inner and outer sheaths; —all are aglow with one Divine Light. The devotee lives, moves and has his being in one blissful ocean of Light.
(iv)
Full concentration, when the devotee loses all consciousness of duality—of the
functioning of the three gunas [ trigunas] . It is like the state of coal burnt to ashes. There
is no distinction. of the inner and the outer, of here and there it is a state
of absorption in the Supreme, of All-Oneness. Vibrations of thought, feeling or
willing vanish altogether. It resembles the perfect tranquility of a sleeping
lake under a blue sky.
Mother’s
samadhi presents a wonderful sight: it was my extreme good luck to be
able to witness such sarnadhi several times. I note below some of my
experiences.
On
some days while walking about or sitting in the room after casually entering it
or after laughing and speaking a few words, Her eyes became wide open with a
vacant stare and all Her limbs relaxed
in such a supernatural way that Her body seemed to melt down on the floor as it
were.
We
could observe then that like the soft golden disc of the setting sun all the
brightness of Her normal manners and expressions faded away little by little
from Her countenance into some mysterious depths. A short while later Her breathing
slowed down sometimes stopping altogether, Her speech ceased completely, Her
eyes remained closed. Her body grew cold; sometimes Her hands and feet became
as stiff as logs of wood; sometimes they hung down loosely like pieces of
rope,—failing flat in any direction one would place them.
Her
face glowed with a crimson hue due to the intensity of inner Anandam:
Her cheeks shone with a heavenly light; Her forehead looked bright and serene
with a divine calm. All her physical expressions were suspended; yet from every
pore of Her body radiated an uncommon glow—a mute eloquence of silent, inner
speech. Every body present felt that Mother was sinking into the depths of
divine communion. Thus passed some ten to twelve hours and then efforts were
made to bring Her back to the physical plane with kirtan and the like,
but all in vain.
I
myself failed to rouse Her from that state of self-absorption. There was no
response whatsoever when rubbing Her hands or feet hard, and even pricking them
with sharp points. Her consciousness came back when the proper time arrived. It
did not depend on any external stimulus.
When
Mother came back to physical consciousness, Her breath returned and became
deeper and deeper; along with it revived all the movements of Her limbs. On
certain days, a short while after such an awakening Her body relapsed once more
into its former inert condition and tended, as it were, to freeze again into
the state of samadhi. When the eyelids were opened with finger-tips,
there was a vacant unresponsive stare in Her eyes, and the lids soon closed
again automatically.
When
a series of symptoms of Her revival into normal life became manifest, She was
helped to a sitting posture and by calling out to Her loudly, attempts were
made to awaken Her to the world of sense and induce Her to speak. In this
twilight condition of consciousness, She responded to the call of the outside
world only for a brief spell of time, again to sink back into the inmost depth
of her being. In this state it took much time for Her to recover Her normal
condition.
On
one occasion after such a spell of samadhi, She was made to walk with great
difficulty. After taking a mouthful of food, Her body relapsed into an
unconscious, inert condition for several hours.
But
when after samadhi She recovered Her normal state. Her whole body appeared to be suffused with joy. On the
threshold of reawakening, sometimes She would either laugh, or laugh and weep
at the same time.
During
sarnadhi Her face lost all freshness of life: the body appeared to be
very frail and weak and in Her general appearance there was no expression
whatever of either joy or pain. In that state it took Her much longer to
recover Her former self. In 1930, when She came to Ramna ashram, She often appeared
to have lost all signs of life during samadhi and passed four or five
days together without any response to any outside stimulus. During the whole
phase, from the beginning of the sarnadhi to its end, there was no
indication that She had life or could ever recover it., Her, body became as
cold as ice and remained cold for a long time after consciousness returned.
After
recovering Her full consciousness when She was asked how She had felt during samadhi,
She would only reply,—”It is a state beyond all conscious and supraconscious
planes—a state of complete immobilization of all thoughts, emotions and
activities, both physical and mental—a state that transcends all the phases of
life here below. What you call savikalpa sarnadhi, is also but a means
to reach that final objective—it is only a passing stage in your sadhana.
‘Deep
concentration on any one of the five elementals of sense, sound, touch, smell,
taste and sight derived chiefly from air, earth, water etc. leads a man to
merge his identity into it and as concentration deepens, the body as it were,
gradually freezes with it. Then that special object of sense pervades his whole
being and his ego gradually dissolves in it and coalesces with one Universal
Entity. When this condition settles down, the consciousness of One Universal
Self too melts away and what then happens, no words, no expression or feeling
can convey.
At
times without any noticeable cause, many abnormal symptoms became visible on
Her person. Her breath became deep and prolonged; Her whole body would twist
right or left with an expression of languor and fatigue- She would then lie
down on the floor or roll up Her body like a bundle. She had physical
consciousness at that time and when any question was put to Her, She would
respond with one or two words in a very faint soft voice.
On
enquiry we learnt from Her later that while She was in this condition She would
feel a fine threadlike upward current of life flowing from the lower end of the
spinal cord right up to the topmost centre in the brain and along with it, a
thrill of joy would run through every fibre of Her body and even through the
pores of Her hair. She would feel at that time that every particle of Her
physical frame danced as it were with infinite ripples of bliss. Whatever She touched
or saw appeared to Her to be a vital part of Herself. Her physical body
gradually ceased to function.
At
this time if Her backbone was massaged or the joints of Her body were rubbed
for a long time, She would remain quiet for some time and recover Her normal
condition. It was at this stage that She was found to be brimming over
with blissful joy and Her looks had all
the indications of one lost in universal love.
In
the midst of the routine of everyday life, while Mother was lying down, smiling
and talking to people that came to see Her, it was found that Her limbs had
become ice-cold, Her nails and toes blue. Even by vigorous massage the
stiffness of Her limbs could not be lessened, although the hands of those who
rubbed Her limbs became benumbed with cold. One day it took Her nearly twelve
hours to recover Her normal warmth.
One
evening, just at dusk, Mother was lying in a state of sarnadhi . Our Didima was on the bed by Her side. Pitaji was also in the
room. At about 2 A.M. I was seated on the verandah meditating on Mother’s lotus
feet. I felt a thrilling sensation in my heart produced by the sound of
Mother’s footsteps. I opened my eyes and could not notice anything. I heard
some feeble sound inside the room. When I left my seat I noticed two tiny foot-prints
of Mother’s wet feet.
On
entering the room I found Mother in bed. I enquired from Didima (Mother’s
mother) if Mother had gone out; the reply was, “no”. The night passed. Next
morning She was on the plane of consciousness for a brief interval. Though She
recovered Her sense on the following day it took three or four days more to
regain Her normal ways of life.
A
few days later I said to Mother, “I have heard that during sarnadhi it
is not possible for anybody to move about in his physical body; how was it that
I noticed two of your footprints on the floor that night?
Mother
said, “Is it possible for man to explain all things in words ?“ and resumed silence.
On
one occasion, I asked Mother,—”What are the signs of a sadhaka ? (one who strives hard for
spiritual uplift) Mother said, “When a devotee reaches a certain level
of mental purity, he may behave like a child, or become unresponsive to worldly
stimuli like a clot of inert matter, or violate all canons of social life like
one insane, or
at times be swayed by flashes of higher thought or emotion and pass for a saint. But through all these varying modes of life his aim remains fixed upon his central target. If at this stage he forgets his final aim his progress is arrested there.
“But
if with intense effort he strives on and on towards his goal, all his
activities will center round his supreme objective. You will always find that
even though he looks like a mass of inert matter, quite indifferent to external
stimuli, he is full of cheerfulness and bliss as soon as he regains physical
consciousness. Gradually as this joyous mood settles down in him all his
relationship with men and things becomes imbued with a spirit of joy and
happiness, so as to make him lovable and adorable to all. His inner and outer
life becomes an expression of the One Supreme Bliss.
“At the next stage the devotee reaches a level
where even the concept of one universal existence melts away. Then his way of
life cannot be explained by ordinary canons of human reasoning. In this
condition all the vibrations of his mind-body are suspended and there is every
likelihood of the soul departing from the mortal frame. But if there is a
residue of strong samskara (Persistent desire acquired from this
and previous births to alleviate the sufferings of humanity) to secure human welfare, he may
live for a certain period longer. Yet he remains unchanged under all
circumstances of life. Although we think he is subject to change, simply
because he retains his body.
“The
only difference between such a devotee and the yogi who gives up his body, is
that the latter leaves his body by his own effort of will. Even at the moment
of exit from the physical, he retains the consciousness that he has a body
which he is leaving, whereas the man who gives up his mortal frame in absolute samadhi
[complete withdrawal into the universal cosmic soul] is neither conscious of an individual body nor of any
effort to give it up. The samskaras about life and death cease to
function in his soul and as soon as the karma of his past lives is
worked out, the body naturally drops off.”
On
another occasion, Mother said in the course of conversation
“(i)
Purity of heart and mind comes through concentration on one unit of thought or
idea according to one’s particular disposition.
(ii)
Gradually as a man progresses, all his other scattered ideas come to be unified
with this one object.
(iii)
Next when various streams of thought flow along the same channel, the devotee
becomes apparently motionless and inert.
(iv)
Thereafter he finds a resting-place in the One Universal Being and is engulfed
in one unitary existence.”
Ordinarily
Mother does not say these things to all men; She sometimes stops suddenly in
the course of conversation. She is usually surrounded by many bhakta . What She utters for their welfare cannot always be
recorded and many of Her ideas are not intelligible to everyone.
Her
instructions are of a universal type meant for all men, yet their real import
is not always comprehended by people like us. Still, when some of Her words
illumine the mind of a particular person, what he realises by his own limited
knowledge, finds expression in his life according to his own capacity to move
forward. It is not easy to imagine how infinitely various are the streams of water
flowing from the Himalayas to the plains of India through glaciers, cataracts,
rivers, streamlets and springs, enriching and fertilising many sterile tracts.
Although the Himalayas do not lose anything by sending out these perpetual
streams, the welfare of the world is being secured by them. It is similar in
the case of Mother and Her devotees.
We
hardly find words to express the changes that little by little are coming upon
us at every moment of our lives, through Her contact, Her suggestions, words
and smiles. There is a false impression amongst us that if we try to express
how Her blessings have moulded many little incidents of our everyday life, we
shall be belittling Her Infinite Grace or Influence. But I am inclined to feel
that by such efforts we should only be singing hymns to Her glory as well as
advance our spiritual uplift in no small measure. At the same time it would be
a way of linking our grateful souls to Her Grace at every moment of our lives.
MOTHER AND HER PLAYFUL ROLE
Whoever
has watched Mother’s bright face ever radiant with a
smile, Her childlike simplicity, Her playful jokes flowing from a heart ever
brimming over with joy, must have been charmed beyond measure. In all Her words
and expressions, in Her every glance and gesture a sweetness reigns, the like
of which cannot be found anywhere else. A divine perfume always emanates from
Her body, from Her every breath and from Her clothes and bedding. When She
sings, divine thoughts and ideas well up from the inmost fountain of our hearts.
Completely
free from all ties, She lives a life of perfect detachment. Like the serene
blue sky above, far away from the world below, yet shedding its calm serenity
over the things of this earth, and producing heavenly reflections upon lakes
and tanks as well as upon a small bowl of water, She envelopes all created
things and draws them closer and closer to Her heart. She recognizes the play
of one absolute life in the peoples of all races and creeds, in every animal
and plant and looking upon all beings as ripples of one universal bliss, She
treats them with equal love, regard and sanctity. No distinction of high and
low, rich and poor colours Her vision.
Mother always says,-—’There is nothing new for me to see, hear or say’. Still we find that even the commonest trifles absorb Her attention to a degree that makes one inclined to compare Her to a child enchanted with a lovely doll.
There
is no end to Her playful frolics with Her devotees. On one occasion they
desired to see Her dressed up as Sri Krishna as a boy and also as a youth on
the threshold of adolescence. The devotees combined to dress Her up. There are
two pictures showing the two different roles-[ See the Bengali
edition of Matri Darshan] How striking are the expressions of Mother in
those two different poses. The beauty of Her face reveals the charm of Sri
Krishna as a child and when growing into a youth. It is really inconceivable
from what hidden source such a divine glow shone forth to give Her looks so
much tenderness, Her forehead such a peaceful and gracious expression, Her face
such a halo of purity and sweetness, and Her limbs such light suppleness. It is
not only uncommon but supernatural and beyond all precedents.
A
photo of Her smiling face as boy Sri Krishna is seen. In Her hearty laugh every
fibre of Her being joined and danced, as it were. Those who were present at the
time could see the glow of sacred light that illumined Her figure; such a pure,
hearty laugh could hardly be found in a human being. The photograph very
imperfectly discloses only a fraction of Her actual expression.
Wherever
Mother goes, Her presence carries an exquisite sweetness pervading the thoughts
and ideas of people flocking around Her. Whatever might be the nature of one’s
thoughts, one feels pleasantly surprised to find one’s mind being purified and
refined by Her subtle influence. The sight of Sri Krishna awakened motherly
affection in Yashoda, friendly feelings in Sri Krishna and Sudama and selfless
love in the hearts of the milkmaids of Brajadharn . Mother’s presence too induces different phases of
devotional love and adoration in different souls.
From
Her very infancy She has been playing upon the main springs of human life. Her
comrades knew no joy without Her company. Whoever came in touch with her, children,
youths or old people, were so charmed that they often would ask when parting,
‘When shall we meet again?“ Wherever She happens to be, a joyous
multitude assembles; a wave of intoxicating delight stirs hundreds and
thousands of men and women with a new inspiration and their souls dance, as it
were, in response to Her sweet words and expressions. The moment She leaves a
place, it feels empty. It was also noticed that people who, seeing Her
disheveled, clotted hair, her slovenly dress and careless ways, came to look
upon Her as an erratic woman and tried to avoid Her presence, yet in spite of
themselves could not take their eyes off Her.
Countless
and manifold are the uncommon powers that are constantly manifesting themselves
through Her playful activities. When She was questioned about them, She used to
say, “This body is always in the same mood, without any change whatever. Your
attitude alone leads you to consider any particular phase as ordinary or
extraordinary.” She added, —”The universe is a Divine Play, you have a desire
to play, and hence in all the playful activities of this physical body,—in its
smiles and frolics,—you interpret its ways according to your own light. Had it
assumed a grave motionless posture, you would have stayed away from me. Learn
to merge yourselves in Divine Joy, in all its manifestations and you will reach
the final goal of all play. Do you understand?”
What
is beyond the experience of the ordinary person is called extraordinary. To him
who has dissolved all thoughts and emotions into the one absolute, supreme
bliss of Atman, which sometimes takes on the role of an individual
being, sometimes of Iswara or Supreme Ruler of the Universe or sometimes
of the impersonal absolute Para-Brahrnan, —all these phases are but the
casual manifestations of one self-initiated Divine Play. Mother has no desires,
no likes or dislikes. Sometimes supernatural powers play their part in arousing
devotional attitudes or awakening pious thoughts in Her devotees. Sometimes
their extremely prayerful attitude induces corresponding manifestations in Her
simple behaviour. Mother says, “This body is like a drum; just as you will beat
it, it will produce a corresponding sound. I find that there
is but one playful master-tune ringing through the whole universe.”
On
the day before Mother left the Ramna ashram at Dhaka in June, 1932, at 5 p.m.,
She sat with many of Her devotees in the open compound to partake of the prasad.
Suddenly the sky became overcast with dark clouds, with stormy winds,
flashes of lightning and thunder. Everybody present apprehended immediate
rainfall. Just at that time another party arrived and they also sat down to
have prasad .
Those who had finished eating were
asked by Mother to leave, but She Herself stayed on. When all had finished, She
stood up and said, “I shall have a free bath now.’ Many tried to dissuade Her
from taking a bath so late in the afternoon. But She stood firm when a heavy
downpour of rain started; the whole compound was flooded. Mother, like a
restless, playful girl ran about in the rain with great delight; many old men
and women, boys, girls and youths with all their fine clothes on joined the
gathering and started singing Kirtan, which continued till 9 p.m.
Amongst them were some with very poor health; but none of them caught cold.
We have seen many instances when by a mere glance
Mother stopped rain, or by a gentle smile or loud laughter put an end to all
disputes and display of ill-will amongst Her devotees.
Mother
by nature takes very little food; one cannot even imagine how a person can live
on such a scanty diet. In the early stages of Her life, when many yogic
processes manifested themselves in Her body, She passed many days without
taking even a drop of water. She did not feel any inclination to eat until those
yogic processes ceased. During those days of complete or partial fasts Her
appearance was bright and cheerful, Her body nimble, full of health and vigour
as usual. We already knew about the courses of Her restricted diet.
She
passed five months taking just a handful of food and that too towards the close
of the night. For eight to nine months She took only three mouthfuls of rice in
the day and three at night. For five or six months She lived on a little fruit
and water taken twice daily. There were occasions when She spent five to six
months eating a small quantity of rice only twice a week; on other days a few
fruits sufficed.
From
1924 onwards, She could not eat with Her own hands; whenever She tried to carry
food to Her mouth, Her grasp slackened and a large part of the food slipped
though Her fingers. This was not due to any disease. At that time, it was
arranged that the person who used to feed Her should, once during day and once
in the night, give Her only as much food as could be grasped by the tips of two
fingers. In this way four or five months were spent. On alternate days She
would also drink a small quantity of water. For five to six months She took
three grains of boiled rice in the morning and three grains in the evening and
two or three ripe fruits that had fallen from trees naturally. Sometimes it so
happened that food was allowed just to touch Her lips and then dropped. For two
to three months She ate as much food as one could put into Her mouth in a
single breath. For eight to nine months She partook of only two ounces of rice
and dal mixed together and boiled in a small bowl over sacrificial fire, or of
a small quantity of vegetable soup mixed with some boiled rice or milk. For
several days together She lived on one or two pieces of roti. It may
also be added, that for many days on end, She remained entirely without food.
After
She had given up eating rice altogether, She could not even recognize it. There
was a Kahar [an order of low class people in Bengal considered
unclean because of their filthy ways of life]
maidservant in Shah-bag, who was
eating rice. When Mother saw it, She said smiling—”What is she eating? How
nicely she is chewing and swallowing! I too shall eat with her.” One day She
found a dog eating rice, when She began to say plaintively, ‘I want to eat, I
want to eat”. When such impulses were obstructed, She used to lie on the ground
for some time like a petulant little girl. Once Mother said of Her own accord,
“Man tries to give up old habits. But my ways are totally different. I devise
means so that my old habits may be restored. You must feed me with three grains
of boiled rice every day, otherwise I shall lose the habit of eating rice, just
as I have forgotten the use of my hand for taking food.”
Those
who used to feed Mother had to be on the alert to see that She was not given
one particle in excess of what She had instructed. They had to lead
a pure life of self- control; the cooking utensils had to be kept scrupulously
clean and pure. Otherwise She could not swallow the food, or Her face would
turn away, or She would leave Her seat automatically. Mother used to say, —
“There is no difference between this body and a lump of clay; I can eat food
placed on the floor or anywhere else in any way you like; but for your education,
regard for hygiene, the observance of cleanliness, other rules and social
obligations are necessary; hence my body automatically follows those
regulations.”
During
the long periods of abstinence from normal quantities of food She did not
shrink from Her usual household duties nor did Her body lose its natural
loveliness. Afterwards gradually all the activities of Her family life began to
slacken. Whenever She tried to do some housework Her body would cease to function and She used to lie down on the
floor quite benumbed. Sometimes She would burn Her hands and feet at the
kitchen fire; at other times She would get hurt through other causes, but She
was not conscious of those mishaps.
Mother
says, —”Nobody can give up work by the force of self-will; when his karma is exhausted, all work ceases automatically.”
From
May 1926 the rigours of the rules regarding Her diet began to slacken. But what
She ate was, after all, extremely
little; it might be called a small child’s ration. Four or five years after She
had stopped talking food with Her own hand, some of Her bhaktas expressed
their great eagerness to see Her do so once again. At their request She agreed
to try and sat down with the dishes spread before Her. But after putting a
pinch of food into Her mouth, She gave some to others and rubbed the rest on
the floor. She could not eat at all. After this nobody ever asked Her to eat
with Her own hands. She said, —”I look upon all hands as mine; actually I
always eat with my own hands.”
From
Her early days everybody noticed Her skill in neat home-craft, in the art of
cooking and Her gracious manner of entertaining guests. Whatever She did, was
done to perfection. She could spin very beautifully and weave cloth on a
handloom; Her needlework, hosiery and cane-work were superb; they showed an
extraordinary degree of intelligence and skill. When She found others unable to
do a piece of work, She would come to their aid and to their surprise,
accomplish it with ease. Dishes of food prepared by Her were delicious and therefore,
wherever a feast took place, She was always requested to direct the cooking.
Mother
felt great delight in distributing food “to all persons, — adults as well as
children. She would forego food and all personal comforts to satisfy others. On
one occasion when a sadhu came from Gujarat to Shah-bag, Dhaka; with the
hem of Her sari she rubbed his seat clean and entertained him with Her
usual humility and sweetness. The dish of food was so neatly served that it
appeared to be sanctified, as it were, by Her great love and selfless spirit of
service. On leaving, the sadhu said,—”Today I have taken food from the
hands of the Mother of the world; I have never in my life been served with so
much care and purity.”
As
long as She could, She cooked for all Her devotee-children and with motherly
affection served the food to them. Prasad received from Her hands roused unprecedented joy in the hearts of
devotees. Many mysterious incidents happened at the distribution of prasad. One
day the wife of the late Niranjan Roy brought some oranges for Mother. Mother
Herself distributed them, for everybody present exclaimed, “I want prasad from
Mother’s hands”. The number of oranges was very small; too many were the
claimants. There was every chance of oranges falling short. But Mother’s ways
are inscrutable. Everyone got an orange and there was not a single one left
over. Another day there was a kirtan party in
Niranjan’s house at Dhaka. Food for about fifty to sixty people was prepared,
but the number of guests swelled to around
a hundred and twenty. Mother noticed it and till the end
of the serving stood in a corner of the room where the food was kept. When all
had eaten, it was found that some food was yet left over.
By
way of offerings to Mother, food and clothes came in abundance
to the ashram .
After partaking of a small particle
of the food offered or wearing a piece of cloth for a short while, She would
distribute everything amongst the people assembled. Thereafter She would laugh
cheerfully People offered Mother precious gold and silver ornaments, shell
bangles, glass churis
and many other things. At times these ornaments were massed on Her forearms.
She received all things, great and small, precious or trivial, with equal
grace. But She never cared to enquire who had presented them or what became of
them afterwards. Many ornaments were given away and what remained was melted
into a lump and spent over the ornaments for the images in the ashram temples
She
had never more than two changes of saris to wear. She would often give
away one out of the two, but it so happened that as soon as the one was given
away, another sari would be offered to Her.
When
I went to Calcutta from Dhaka, I used to put up at the house of Sri Jnanendra
Nath Sen. He was more than an elder brother to me. His wife., the late Mrs.
Hiranmayi Devi, looked upon me as her own younger brother. Such a loving soul
with such extraordinary simplicity, purity, devotion to her husband and an
uncommon tactfulness to please the guests and the members of her household, was
rare. Attracted by her goodness Mother also used to go and see her
occasionally.
Once
when Mother was staying at Calcutta I went to see Her. A devotee made Her put
on a sari of a fine Dhaka fabric. It had been arranged that Mother would
go to Jnan Babu’s house. I went ahead as I was informed that Mother was going
somewhere else on Her way. I purchased a sari of medium quality hoping
that when Mother would arrive at Jnan Babu’s place, this new sari would
be presented
to Her and Mother would naturally leave the finer and costlier one for Jnan
Babu’s wife. I did not disclose my motive to anybody.
Mother
arrived at Jnan Babu’s place. But to my dismay I found that She was wearing a
very ordinary sari, as the fine Dhaka fabric, which She wore before, had
been left at the place She visited on Her way. I was surprised but Mother
laughed each time She looked at me. Nobody present could understand the meaning
of Her laugh. I later confessed to Mother with what a foolish motive I had
purchased the sari.
I
have given above some instances of Mother’s extraordinarily meagre diet. A few
examples may also be cited showing how at times She took abnormally large
quantities of food.
After
She had for about eight or nine months eaten daily -one chattack (two
ounces) of rice mixed
with dal, boiled in a small bowl over sacrificial fire, it was settled one day
that She should have a normal quantity of food. But everybody pressed Her to
eat more and She asked them to bring all the food prepared, sufficient for
eight or nine persons. She ate it all up. On another occasion, She smilingly
took sixty to seventy puris and a corresponding quantity of dal and
vegetables, followed by a large bowl of rice boiled in thick milk. There was an
instance when She ate up rice pudding prepared from half a maund of milk (about
20 Kg) and when the whole of it was exhausted She exclaimed, “I want to eat
more, please give me more Kheer !“ According to folk prejudice, a few
drops of the sweet dish were sprinkled on the sari covering Her head,
lest the influence of the evil eye of the people witnessing the event cause any
illness to Mother. It was found later that the spots where the drops fell
, looked as if scorched by fire.
A
few minutes after She had taken food in abnormally large quantities, there was
an extraordinary expression of Her face. She used to say on such occasions
:—“At the time of eating I did not know that I was swallowing so much food. It
was from you that I first came to learn about it. At that time, whatever things
you might [ my suggestion) offer, good or bad, even grass or leaves, would have
been all consumed”. But there was no physical disorder to be noticed after such
eating. Furthermore She would often perform many strange feats that came into
Her head, but however abnormal, they did not result in any adverse
consequences.
Just
as offerings to God - sanctified by mantras, flowers, sandal paste etc.
and dedicated with earnestness fill the mind with a serene pleasure, so also
presents to Mother, if offered with whole-hearted devotion, bring immense
satisfaction and joy to the devotee. We have seen that such commonplace and
trifling things as fried rice or fried paddy and quite ordinary fruits were
accepted by Her like a treasure. Ordinary vegetable curry without salt, or Kheer
without sugar, were eaten up by Her with great avidity, and out of the
fullness of Her heart, She would even invite others present to partake of the
pleasure of eating. On the other hand, in many cases, when very rare and
valuable foodstuff procured with much difficulty, was brought to Her lips, Her
mouth closed up at the first touch.
Late
Sri Tarak Bandhu Chakravarty, retired Dy. Inspector of Schools, who lived in
Ganderia, Dhaka, came walking about five miles with some pure sandesh
(a special type of Bengali sweet)) prepared
at his house from his own cow’s milk. It was not yet dawn when he arrived.
Mother was still in bed. Like an impatient child the old man called out, “Ma,
Ma, I have brought you some sweets (sandesh), prepared with special
care; won’t you eat them?“
Mother sat up on Her bed and without having washed Her face, mouth or hands, She at once began to eat the sweets from the hands of the old man. She clapped Her hands with joy; tears of gratitude for Mother’s childlike love and affection rolled down Tarak Babu’s cheeks.
Another
day Babyd ( Smt Sailabal Basu, wife of NK Basu of Dhaka) was coming to Mother with some sweets prepared by herself. When she
was nearly half a mile away, Mother suddenly laughed loudly and said,—”Sweets
are arriving for me.” She sat up like a child eager to eat them. There were
occasions, when on someone’s arrival She would exclaim,—”Bring out what you
have brought for me”, She expressed Her delight at the presents with many
merry, playful jokes. On the other hand incidents are not rare when people had
to wait for a long time with their offerings, but Mother would not even care to
look at them.
Once I was bed-ridden with
a serious disease. Quite unexpectedly a desire flashed across my mind to send
some Kheer to
Mother. When it was ready I tasted a few drops to test if it had been prepared
properly. My eldest sister was present and said,—”We cannot send this Kheer (milk boiled to consistency] to
Mother; things tasted beforehand by men
cannot be offered to a God.” I replied, “Please send it.” I came to learn
afterwards that Mother consumed the entire offering Herself.
On
another occasion I said to my wife, “Please prepare some sati food for
Mother.” It was done reluctantly and sent to Mother. We came to learn
afterwards that She did not touch a particle of it.
It
has been frequently observed that
people who with great devotion and love for Mother waited at a distance
silently offering all their best sentiments to Her, felt Mother’s blessings in
the inmost depths of their souls
while there were others who
brought heaps of offerings, prayed and shed tears to obtain Her grace, but
neither received neither Her instructions nor blessings. Everybody gets a
response from Her according to the sincerity and intensity of his devotion; Her
blessings do not depend upon the nature of any material thing offered to Her.
All
people, men of piety as well as atheists, rich or poor, young or old, male or
female, even infants have free access to Her. She is often heard to utter with
a laugh, “Why do you bother about the time and opportunity to see me ? Don’t
you find that my doors are always open?” Although owing to the
illusory attractions of the world, you often forget this little daughter of
yours, you may rest assured that your worries and tribulations are ever before
my eyes.
Nothing
appears strange to Mother who watches all things without the help of the
physical eye, who can read all thoughts without the assistance of the spoken
word, who seeing and hearing, moves about like one soaring far above, totally
unconcerned with the affairs of this world and yet in live touch with them. Day
and night, unconcerned with Her personal comfort or fatigue, She appears to be
waiting for all men, be they in distress or at ease.
People
flock round Her from early morning till late at night. Some are painting her
forehead with vermilion drops, others dressing Her hair, yet others offering to
give Her a bath, or to wash Her face and mouth, or to clean Her teeth with
tooth paste. Some may request Her permission to change Her sari, others
express a desire to put some sweets or a slice of fruit into Her mouth, some
whisper their secret requests into Her ear, others are eager to have a private
interview with Her. Some may even be bold enough to disperse the crowd surrounding
Her, saying:—”Please move away, don’t trouble Mother in this manner.”
But
think of Mother! She sits up, hour after hour, day after day, in Her
exquisitely peaceful manner in the midst of all this noise and bustle, rush and
tussle; She remains steady and firm with a face brimming over with
cheerfulness, meeting all the various demands or prayers with such loving grace
that the whole atmosphere appears to be over-flowing with heavenly joy and
happiness. The hearts of the people assembled may not all be equally attracted
by Her dignity, but Her sweet and compassionate glances fall with equal
tenderness upon all human beings like the golden rays of the sun at dawn.
Nobody has yet been found to come away from Her presence in despair or
dejection.
Mother
says ,—“God’s world is made up of both, people who understand its nature and
who do not. They have to be kept satisfied with just the toys they want.” For
this very reason nobody has yet been able to say, “Mother is not mine, but
yours”; whoever has the good fortune to be in intimate touch with Her, must
have felt, “Mother is mine and mine only”. All have opened their innermost
hearts to Her and have found new hope and peace in return.
It
is beyond our power to realise how Mother plays with Her devotees. We have
found Her responding to the two conflicting emotions- of joy at the birth of a
son and of sorrow over a child’s death- at the same time, with equal warmth. We
have also seen Her weeping with a lady mourning over the loss of her son and
laughing joyously with a happy person. Such contradictory impulses find a
wonderful synthesis in Her. We have found Her using sweet, soothing words of
comfort to the distressed imploring Her blessings, while withdrawing Her feet
from their grasp. She appeared to be quite unconcerned at another lying
prostrate at Her feet for a pretty long time. One day a lady who had lost her
son fell at Her feet wailing bitterly. Mother began to weep and shed tears so
profusely with the bereaved mother, held close in Her embrace, that the latter
came to forget all her woes; on the hand exclaimed, “Mother, be comforted, I
shall not weep over my son’s death anymore.”
Many
of us have found immense joy simply looking at Her, touching the dust of Her
feet or hearing Her sweet words, which cause an influx of pure thoughts and
sentiments in our hearts.
Once
a friend of mine who had lately returned from England with a mind soaked with
Western ideas, came at my request to see Mother - He said that at the sight of Mother, the mantra which he
had received from his Guru long, long ago before sailing abroad, and which he
had almost forgotten, revived in his memory. There are many instances showing
how by sitting at Her feet people acquired the power of concentration and
devotion to enable them to worship God and to contemplate the Divine.
Keeping Her as an ideal to be followed whole heartedly, with a sacred
regard for Her person, many people have advanced on the spiritual path. Once
at the Siddhesvari temple when Mother
was in a trance, a girl of sixteen or seventeen was so moved with wonder and
joy that she embraced Mother. At the touch the girl was overcome with
rapture and rolled on the floor crying
repeatedly, “Han, Ha [7]~. For three or four days this blissful
state continued.
We have also heard that at the sight of Mother or at the touch of Her
hand many people repented. of their past transgressions and advanced in
spiritual life. In a large city in the United Provinces (now known as Uttar Pradesh) a very respectable lady, the wife of a high Government
official, came to see Mother. After she had sat by Her side for some time, she
so deeply repented of some of her past sins that when she returned home she
confessed all her guilt to Her husband, asking him to shoot her and put an end
to her vicious career. Mother came to know of this, called both husband and
wife and found means to restore their normal domestic relations. It is also
well known that persons who were ordinarily-slighted by all as sinful or worthy
of contempt, could find easy access to Mother and were induced to recover from
their evil ways. Mother always says, “I want specially those very persons, who
have no prop to support them on their path to good life.” Instances are not
rare of people, entirely ignorant of the spiritual life, who could feel an
upward drive by an attitude of self-surrender to Her. On the other hand, many
learned scholars or adepts in religious practices were found to come to Her for
a few days and then go back filled with their own self-conceit. Mother says,—“Nothing
takes place unless the appointed time arrives; everybody gets as much as he
deserves.
During
Kirtan we found animals like dogs and goats pressing close to Mother’s
body, placing their heads on Her lap or moving about Her person and eating the
scraps of scattered sweets at the close of the Kirtan, seeking them out
like men. Even poisonous snakes were seen crawling about Her. One day Sri
Girija Prasanna Sarkar noticed a snake rearing its hood over Her head while She
was sitting under a tree in Siddheshwari compound, though the space around was
neat and clean. In the house of Niranjan Roy a snake was following Mother’s
footsteps in a room on the first floor,
lit with electric light.
What
Mother says is so universal and attractive that one feels one’s loftiest
desires and aspirations expressed in Her words. Every single sentence from Her
lips naturally illumines a new horizon that is ever-abiding and glorious. She
does not enter into any reasoned argument or elaborate discussion, nor does She
willingly give any instruction or command to anybody. A man obtains from Her as
much as the intensity of his love and devotion entitles him to.
There
have been many cases in which persons approaching Her with their problems,
found to their surprise answers to their doubts and difficulties, in the course
of Her conversation with other people present. On one occasion Mother went to
Baidyanath Dham, when Brahmachari Balanandaji said to Her,—”Mother, open
your treasure chest for us.” The reply was,—It is ever open for all.”
Some
of Her teachings have been published in Sad Vani .~ A few more are noted here below.
In the course of Her
everyday talks in the shape of smiling suggestions and parables, She expresses
ideas and thoughts about life and religion, that, if collected, would make a
wonderful volume of spiritual treasure. Mother chooses the tiny incidents of
everyday life as vehicles for expressing lofty truths and principles of human
conduct. That our small social unit is a part and parcel of the great family of
mighty worlds, that all beings, dwelling here below are, through all the storm
and stress of life, moving onwards in quest of the Infinite Master of creation,
are truths that always find expression through Her words, smiles, songs, kirtans,
hymns and psalms as well as in all Her sweet ways of life. What She says or
does is full of hints for our guidance and is applicable to our conduct both in
the worldly and religious life. If we make even one of Her many-sided virtues
the ideal of our life, it will be sufficient to lead us to Self-realisation. To
those who have a great desire for spiritual uplift, She appears to have put on
this physical body for the welfare of man to help him in his struggle for
freedom from the miseries and distress that chain him down here for ages.
The
central theme of all Her words and expressions is this:
Life
and religion are one. All that you do to maintain your life, your everyday work
and playful activities, all your attempts to earn a living, should be done with
sincerity, love and devotion, with a firm conviction that maintaining one’s
life means virtually perfecting one’s spiritual existence in tune with the
universe. To bring about this synthesis, religious culture should be made as
natural and easy, as taking our food and drink when we are hungry and thirsty.
Mother
says,—“With earnestness, love and goodwill do life’s everyday duties and try to
elevate yourself higher and higher, step by step. In all human activities let
there be a live contact with the Divine and you will not have to leave off
anything. Your work will then be done well and you will be on the right track
to find the Master. Just as the Mother nourishes her child with all possible
care and affection and makes him grow up into a healthy boy
and a handsome youth, so you will come to find the subtle touches of the Divine
Mother shaping your inner life and making you reach your full height and
stature. Whatever work you have to do, do it with a singleness of purpose, with
all the simplicity, contentment and joy you are capable of. Thus only will you
be able to reap all the best fruits of work. In fullness of time, the dry
leaves of life will naturally drop off and new ones will shoot forth.”
We
have often heard from Mother that when She used to attend to Her household
duties She was fully absorbed in the work and had not the slightest thought
of Her dress, food or even Her body.
She would devote Herself wholly to the tasks assigned to Her and carry out the
orders of Her seniors in the family with scrupulous care. Her neighbours would
always say,—”This newly married girl lacks usual common sense.’’
Mother
says,—”Just as there is a definite time-table for work at the office, school or
the shop, so should we set apart for divine contemplation a few minutes out of
the twenty-four hours of every day, preferably in the morning and evening. One
must form a fixed resolve that this little time shall be dedicated to God
throughout life. During this period no worldly activity should be allowed to
encroach upon the contemplation of God. A fixed time must be allotted to all
the members of the family including the servants. If this practice is continued
for long, divine contemplation will became a part of your nature. Once the
habit is established, the future course of your life will be made quite easy.
You will feel the flow of the mysterious divine grace feeding all your thoughts
and actions and giving you new strength. You get a pension or bonus after years
of hard work, so that you need no longer earn your livelihood. In the spiritual
realm the reward for good, sincere and selfless work is even far greater and
can be obtained more easily.
“Your
earthly pension expires with your life, but the Divine pension continues long,
long after death. Those who would amass money, store it up in a hidden chamber
of their house, add to this store what they can save from time to time, keep a
constant watch over their treasure. So also reserve a little corner of your
mind for God and always steal an opportunity to add to your stock in the shape
of the invocation of His name or some pious work or Divine thought.”
One
day Mother was showing the various ways of saluting God and said,—”Lose
yourself altogether when bowing down to God with a single-minded devotion and
you will obtain joy and power in proportion. If you cannot do anything else, at
least morning and evening at the appointed time, lay down your body, mind and lie flat before Him in
salutation and think of Him just a little.” “In this connection She added “,there are two kinds of pranams (mode of salutation): Offering to him, your whole body and mind with all thoughts, desires,
sense-impressions, love, affection and devotion, just like emptying the
contents of a full pitcher to its last drop. The other way is like scattering
face-powder through the minute holes of a powder-box; the major portion of your
thoughts and desires are kept back in a
hidden chamber of your mind, and only a little dust is allowed to escape.
Pramatha
Babu was transferred from Dhaka as Post Master General. He went to Mother to bid
Her farewell. Mother said to him,—”Who salutes whom ? You bow down to your own
Self.” He was thrilled with wonder and joy to hear such a remark.
On
one occasion Prof. Atal Behari Bhattacharji fell ill at Shah-bag during the
Puja holidays. He keenly desired that Mother should come down to him, and like
his own mother, massage his aching head. Mother went and passed Her hands over
his whole body from head to foot. On recovery he returned to Rajshahi, the
place of his work. After some days this incident was discussed at Shah-bag. I
remarked,— “The gentleman lacked common sense, his intelligence was equally
poor. I fail to see what purpose he had to make Mother do that job for him
during his illness.” As soon as Mother heard my remark, Her face changed colour.
She said,—”Shall I massage your feet ?“ With these words She advanced
towards me. I began to move away, with Mother following me. Pitaji intervened
and stopped Her. Even now I remember Mother’s childlike face glowing with
motherly warmth, always eager to nurse, soothe and serve all Her children. At
that moment Sri. Shashanka Mohan Mukherji cried out, “Ma, Ma,” and fell at Her
feet.
In
this connection Mother said,—“Just as a human body has different parts like the
head, the hands, thighs, feet, fingers and toes, I find all of you representing
my various limbs. You all belong to one body,—each one has to do work of equal
importance.”
On
a different occasion the late Nirmal Chandra Chatterji of Benaras offered some
flowers at Mother’s feet. Just then a man was passing by, carrying flowers in a
basket to perform the worship of his deity elsewhere. Mother picked up the
flowers that had been presented at Her feet and placed them in the basket.
Nirmal Babu enquired from Mother why She did so. Her reply was, “All people are
worshipping One Being only; all hands and feet belong to One Body.”
On
another occasion, I observed Mother striking the ground with a bamboo cane when
a fly was accidentally killed by a stroke. With great care and concern Mother
picked it up and kept it in Her closed fist. Many persons were present. Four to
five hours passed in conversation. Mother then opened Her fist and said to me,
“Can you do anything for the good of this fly which has passed on to the other
world?“ I said, “I have heard people say, there is heaven inside the
body of man.” So saying, I swallowed the fly.
Mother
began to laugh and said,—”What have you done ? Does not a man get ill when he
eats a fly ?“ I replied,—”If through your goodwill the fly meets with a
better life, no harm will come to me.” I did not get ill.
Referring
to this incident Mother said,—”Insects, flies, spiders and men all belong to
one family,—nobody knows what they were, are or will be and how they have
become interrelated to one another.”
I
had a very pious Muslim friend, the late Moulvi Jainuddin Hossain.. He used to
pass nearly all his time in divine contemplation. One Thursday evening I went
to Shahbag with him and Niranjan. Kirtan was in full swing in the Nat-mandap.
* We three stood at a distance under a tree so that we
might not be seen from the place of the kirtan. After about half an hour
we found to our surprise that Mother suddenly came out of the hall with Her
devotees following Her with a lantern. With quick steps Mother came towards us,
touched my friend with Her right hand and then walked on. We three followed Her
footsteps. There was a very well preserved grave of a Muslim saint in a corner
of Shah-bag. Mother went there and assumed the postures usual to Muslims during
their prayer, uttering at the same time all the particular words they use. My
Muslim friend also joined Her. On returning from there the kirtan was
resumed and my friend too sang with the party, clapped his hands with them and
moved round and round. It so happened that the man in charge of the grave was
absent that evening and did not light candles or offer sweets as usual. Under
Mother’s instructions my Muslim friend offered some Batasha [a kind of sweet made of boiled sugar with
imprisoned air) at the grave and lighted candles. He had a desire to
see Mother eat some of the sweets. When he carried to Mother the plate
containing them, She opened Her mouth and he dropped some sweets into it. He
himself partook of the prasad offered at the end of the kirtan . He was an orthodox Muslim but had a high notion of
Mother, and after this he came to have
an unshakable regard for Her.
At the loving request of a Muslim Begum, Mother
performed Namaz (prayer) at the same grave. The Begum was an educated lady. She said that there
was wonderful correspondence between what Mother said and the sacred texts used
during Namaz. Mother said, “Some four or five
years ago when I was at Bajitpur I saw
the ethereal body of the Faquir whose grave was over there. After we
came to Shah-bag I met him and some of his disciples. He was a stalwart figure,
an Arab by descent.” On enquiry this was found to be correct.
Once
Mother went to the house of Rai Bahadur Jogesh Chandra Ghosh. There was kirtan
that day. Suddenly a change was observed in Her. Some 150 to 200 cubits
away a young Muslim dressed like a Hindu sat in the dark, quite unnoticed.
Through the crowd Mother forced Her way to the youth and began to chant “Allah,
Alla-ho-Akbar “. The young man was moved to tears and joined Mother in
saying the usual prayer. He told us afterwards,—”The ease and distinctness with
which Mother invoked the name of Allah, was beyond our best achievements. And
the joy such as I felt that day when
uttering the name of God together with Mother, I never experienced before.”
Mother
introduced the name of Hari (God)
in a very respectable Muslim family. While reciting the name they were moved to
tears. They had great regard for Mother. In this connection Mother
said,—”Hindus, Muslims, and all other communities in the world are one; they
all worship one Supreme Being and call for His mercy. Kirtan and Narnaz
are one and the same.”
Sri
Kali Prasanna Kushari and his wife Smt. Mokshada Sundari Devi, Pitaji’s sister,
loved Mother greatly. In Her company they found much delight. Once Sri Kushari
came to Dhaka, but was staying somewhere else. He had discussed religious
matters with Mother and was about to depart. He said with a laugh, “You are
credited with great power. If you have such power, just burn me to ashes.”
Saying this he lighted some agarbati (incense sticks) and started for
his place with the sticks in his hand. Pitaji and Mother were to go to a
different place and all started together. The sun was very hot. Sri Kushari
held his umbrella over Mother. The two were walking ahead. Suddenly Kushari
started and exclaimed, “Alas, from where is fire raining down upon my head ?
Are you burning me ? Are you really ? Please stop the fire. I have got ample
proof of your power.” To his consternation he found a portion of the umbrella
burnt away.
On
a different occasion a gentleman laid some flowers at Her feet. She picked up
one of them and pointing at its petals, pollens and alluding to its scent etc.,
She illustrated the material, astral and spiritual aspects of life and made
people understand the eternal play of the Divine.
Mother
is always on the move from place to place. She said in that connection, “I
find one vast garden spread out all
over the universe. All plants and animals, all human beings, all higher
mind-bodies are playing about in this garden in various ways, each has its own
uniqueness and beauty; their presence and variety give me great delight.
Everyone of you add with your special feature to the glory of the garden. I
move about from one place to another in the same garden. What makes you feel my
absence so keenly when I happen to leave your part of the garden for another,
to give delight to your brothers over there ?“
Towards
the middle of 1931, while walking in the Ramna fields, Mother said,—”Prayer is
an essential part of the practice of religion; its power is irresistible;
prayer reveals the life of human beings. All the thoughts that arise in your
heart should be offered to God. Pray for His Grace with all earnestness and in
a spirit of self-surrender.”
Just
at that time I was reading in the news paper that before Lord Irwin came out to
India as Viceroy and Governor-General, he asked his father’s opinion. The
latter replied,—”Don’t worry about the outcome of events; we have no control
over them. Pray to God and you may get some glimpse of the future.” Both father
and son went to a church to pray. While returning from there, the father said,
“You will have to go to India.” The son confirmed, “I also feel the same.”
When
Mother heard it, She said,—”This is a good instance of the efficacy of prayer.
But one must have deep faith like a child. By constant practice the foundation
of faith becomes strong; when pure faith takes root in the mind, sincere prayer
issues forth from the soul. Through devotion the real spirit of prayer awakens
in one’s soul, when the Divine Grace manifests itself in the desired results.”
On
another occasion Mother said,—”When you talk of Divine Grace it implies that something
descends on man without any intelligible cause. At its own time it comes of its
own volition. Your find a child forgetting his mother when deeply absorbed in
his play; but the mother, out of her own motherly love, bends down over him and
takes him on her lap. The Divine Grace blesses a man just like that. A mother’s
affection reveals itself before the child has time to think of her. You will
certainly say that blessings in the shape of Divine Grace are the result of
one’s good in previous births. From one standpoint this may be true, but from a
different view-point one may say, that as God is absolutely free from all chains of cause and effect,
one must not enquire about His motives; though such search for reasons often
disturbs us, His mercy descends on all beings evenly. But when
one develops a higher vision, one begins to feel the Divine Touch. Have
something to rely on. Try to be in vital contact with it and you will find the
free flow of His blessings upon your soul, just as a bucketful of water comes
out of a well only when the rope to which the bucket is tied is being pulled.”
In
this connection a question was put to Mother,—”Can a person who has seen God,
make others see Him ?“ She replied that a man could have a vision of Him
only when the time was ripe. One who has that vision himself, can help others
towards it only to a certain extent. The vision itself is possible through
God’s Grace alone.
On
another occasion there was discussion about man’s past lives. Mother
said,—”Past births are real. There is no doubt about it. When a cataract in
one’s eye is removed by an operation, one’s eyesight is restored. Likewise by
deep concentration on the Divine, when the veil that obscures our intelligence
is removed and the mind purified and focused on the Self, the significance of Mantras
and of the allied forms of deities dawns on us and the impressions of
previous births flash upon our consciousness. Just as while at Dhaka, you can
have a mental picture of what you have seen in Calcutta, so also you can
project a more graphic image of your past lives upon your present mental
screen.” She added,—”When I see you, I can get a vision of a series of pictures
of your past births.” On one occasion while in Calcutta, a gentleman and his
wife came to Mother with their son aged about seven or eight. On seeing the
child Mother remarked, “This boy was related to this body as a brother in his
past birth.” One of Mother’s brothers died very young. He had a severe hurt on
his arm and it was bent. The above mentioned boy also had a crooked arm.
At
times Mother shows wonderfull courage and a strong disposition. There is not a
trace of fear in Her. What She wills or says must be carried out. Her thoughts
and actions are allowed to function without any protest or hindrance, it
contributes to the welfare of man. If obstructed, it causes harm. In Her
younger years examples of this were of common occurrence.
When
four or five years old, She used to go to Her Bara Ma (great grandmother) with a pot for
fetching churned curds. One day She filled the pot almost overfull with it.
This irritated the old lady who said, “You eat so much curd every day ! Today
you won’t get any.” No sooner was this uttered than the old lady found to her
dismay that the churning pot cracked and all the curds came out through the
leak. She stared at Mother’s face in surprise. After this incident She would
often call Mother herself to take the curd, even when She happened to arrive
late.
We
have seen Mother become as stern as thunderbolt, although She is by nature as
soft and tender as a flower. On one occasion She was so severe with me for
talking thoughtlessly that She commanded: “Go, get out of my sight!” On another
occasion I disobeyed Her and the result was that Mother observed silence for
some days. There were many instances in which I was fortunate enough to receive
Her highest chastisement. If anybody does any wrong and expresses his
repentance, Her sweet, merciful looks shed so much ineffable grace that the
transgressor’s mind changes altogether and becomes pure and blissful. But if one’s mind is agitated with anger
and self-pride at Her words, one feels terrible anguish until there is
repentance.
Once
Pitaji took my side and pleaded for me, but Mother said, “Severe
punishment is awarded to those who are able to stand it. If you want to fell a
tree, you have to use an axe at first; then a hatchet and a knife may be
employed to cut off the boughs and little branches. Thus chastisement will be
severe or slight, as the case requires.”
For
the relief of the sick and distressed Her kindness manifests itself in various
ways. On many occasions Mother has said, “I don’t do anything with a motive or
by an effort or will. It is your thoughts and desires that move this body to
say or do things for your welfare. I often see what will or will not happen in
the future, but words do not always find their way out.”
Cases
are too numerous to mention, where boys and girls, men and women have obtained
help and relief directly or indirectly in cases of disease, in their trades or
professions, in their examinations or selection of studies, marriages and the
like. To rid people of the ills of life, She made wounds in Her own body or
took upon Herself the sufferings of the patient. Such cases are without number.
Instances are also frequent in which it was found that appeals from strangers,
when brought to Her notice through a third party, produced a picture of their
sufferings in Her mind and they were relieved of their distress. We have been
told by Mother that when She heard sincere prayers for the redress of the
misfortune of a person, relief in some shape would come to him. Many persons
saw Her in their dreams and felt Her blessings in their bereavements or
illnesses.
The
parents of a girl suffering from paralysis approached Mother for a cure, Mother
asked the girl to roll on the floor. The girl could not move at all; she could
not even turn round. Mother was clipping betel-nuts into tiny pieces for the
worship of a deity. A few pieces were thrown at the girl and she was asked to
stretch out her hand and catch them.
With great difficult she could catch some. After that the family left.
At her home the girl was laying in bed. On the following afternoon she heard
the rumbling noise of a passing car; she suddenly jumped out of bed and ran
towards it. Thereafter she gradually began to move about.
One
day a carriage was driving along the road across the Ramna grounds. Mother
asked me to hire it. She got into it. The coachman enquired, “Where would you
go?“ “To your own house”, was Mother’s prompt reply.
Without saying a single word, he drove to his home. On arriving there, it was
found that an old man was about to die; by his side his relations were weeping.
Mother asked me to bring some sweets which were distributed amongst the people
present and She came away. We learnt subsequently that the old man had
recovered.
Mother
had other ways as well to give relief to sufferers. She would ask a person in
distress to use anything he could lay his hands on, at dusk, shutting his eyes.
By using such articles he was found to recover. Sometimes She would ask a
patient to eat the food prepared for Her and She would Herself eat the
sick-diet intended for him. In cases of fever or serious bowel-complaints,
patients following Mother’s directions, ate food not considered beneficial by
physicians, with the result that they were restored to their former health in
no time.
When
my son was fifteen or sixteen years old he was suffering from dysentery for
about ten or twelve days. Mother came to see him one night. From that
night he began to recover but Mother
had dysentery for a few days.
It
has also been found, if any patient was destined not to come round, he would
either willfully violate Mother’s directions or fail, by the pressure of
circumstances, to follow them. In these cases the final outcome could be
foreseen from Mother’s ways. The Hindu shastras enjoin that the results of our
past actions in this birth or of those done during our previous births, can
only be neutralized by steady good work in this life with the help of Divine
Grace; but work that calls forth divine intervention is very difficult to
perform, unless some saint out of compassion volunatrily aids such efforts.
Mother
says,—”As long as you see this objective world, creation exists for you. There
is conflict so long as the notions of you and I, happiness and misery, light and
darkness, prevail. Consider yourself an integral part of Nature and let there
be stress on Nature’s work or on Her Laws of work instead of on your own self
as the embodiment of your sense perceptions. Then all your senses will be
quiescent and your inner being will gradually awaken; the problem of the self
and of creation will be solved. Then all your wants will vanish, the impact of
life’s basic urges will gradually wear off like a smoke screen at the first
breath of wind, your soul will resume its full glory like the morning sun and
the time will arrive for you to fix your eyes upon the Supreme Being.
In
Mother’s early life, opportunities for Her education were rather meagre,
neither did She pay much attention to it. But it was surprising to find that the
examiners would ask Her questions from only those topics which She had glanced
over beforehand. For this reason She was looked upon as a bright pupil in the
class. From Her girlhood She did not, of Her own accord, read any book ;nor
did She practice handwriting. Still the groundwork of Her -knowledge appeared
to be quite sound. Whatever She studied She could master thoroughly.
One
day Mother enquired, “What is Italy?“ A few days later
an Italian Professor named Tucci came to Mother at Shah-bag. He had come to
visit the University of Dhaka He asked a question in English and it was to be
translated into Bengali for Her, but before this could be done She gave the
proper answer in Sanskrit.
We
prayed to Her several times to give us a specimen of Her handwriting in
Bengali. She said, “I don’t write anything with any purpose in view. When the
time comes, you may get it.”
Fortunately some 22 years back on the 4th of Ashad, 1337 (Bengali Era), we did receive a
specimen.
(English
translation :—“O thou Supreme Being thou art manifest in all forms—this
universe with all created things, wife, husband, father, mother and children,
all in one. Man’s mind is clouded by worldly ties. But there is no cause for
despair. With purity, unflinching faith and burning eagerness go ahead and you
will realise your true Self.”
There
are many photographs of Mother; their number may be not less than 1,000. But
what is surprising is that no two are alike. Sri. Subodh Chandra Dasgupta of
Dhaka, and Sri. Shashi Bhushan Dasgupta of Chittagong amongst many other
photographers took many snapshots. In October 1926 Shashi Babu came to Dhaka
during the Durga Puja celebrations and some of us went to Shah-bag together to
take a photograph of Mother early in the morning.
On
reaching there we found that nobody knew where Mother was. At last we
discovered that She lay in a state of samadhi inside a dark room. It had
been arranged that Shashi Babu would leave Dhaka the same afternoon. He was
therefore very anxious to take a snapshot of Mother that very morning. Pitaji
was specially requested to approach Mother for permission.
He,
himself with my help brought Mother out and seated Her for an exposure and we
withdrew from the range of the camera. Mother was still in a state of
self-absorption with Her body and limbs slack. Suspecting that She might have
moved during the exposures, Shashi Babu used eighteen plates. He then left for
Chittagong. Subsequently he wrote to say that of the eighteen plates only the
last one produced a good portrait which contained a moon-like ball of light
on Her forehead, and what was stranger still, my figure appeared behind
Mother’s. An extract from Shashi Babu’s letter written to me long after, is
given below.
Shashi
Babu’s letter ran thus :-“When Mother’s photograph was being taken I loaded six
plates at a time and in three shifts eighteen plates were exposed. In the first
few plates there were no impressions, only a ball of light covered each plate.
The next few plates showed some hazy outlines; it was only on the last plate
that the figure of Mother came out in full relief. You were far away beyond the
range of the camera and on one side. From there you gave me the signal for
giving the exposure. From the very outset I was feeling nervous when taking the
exposures, as I had a dim suspicion that things were not all right, which
caused me much pain. When the last plate was exposed, I felt a flood of joy
filling my heart. At that time I just began to approach Mother’s feet as my
only refuge. During those days an incident like the one mentioned above almost
overwhelmed me (the letter was dated 5.5.37).
When
the photograph was received at Dhaka people suspected some trick of the
photographer in developing it.
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Mystic image of “Bhaiji” on a photo taken of Mother alone. |
ASHRAM
Everybody
was feeling the need of an ashram at Dhaka. Once when I went to Shah-bag on a
moonlit night, Mother said, “Let us have a stroll in the maidan Pitaji”, Mother
and myself went out. We sat down on the grass just near the place where a
building stood in ruins (the site of the Dhaka Ashram). I most humbly told
Mother that Shah-bag was the property of the Nawab of
Dhaka, and as it would not be possible for us to have Kirtan, Puja, etc.
there for much longer, it was necessary to have an ashram Mother replied ,
“The whole world is full of ashrams, what will you do with a new one ?“ I
said, ”We do not require any big project; we just want a small place where we
may assemble round your blessed feet and sing Kirtan and offer worship.”
Pitaji supported me. Mother said, “If you feel like erecting a building of
this kind, the site of the old house that you see over there will be the best.
It is your old home.”
She
laughed and remained silent. At that time there was a Shiva temple in ruins
standing amidst heaps of rubbish, bricks and stones with jungle all around. The
place was infested with snakes. After the ashram premises were built we saw
many big snakes there. At that time on
certain occasions Mother used to offer milk and bananas in that deserted Shiva
temple.
One
Monday some raw milk with five or seven bananas were offered in a new earthen
pot. After seven days at about 9 or 10 p.m. Mother went there and found the
milk and the bananas in exactly the same condition as when they had been
offered. Not a single ant had touched the pot. Mother said She would have a sip
from it. Many people tried to stop Her, thinking that the milk might be
contaminated. But Mother must have Her way. She had a sip and many took Her prasad
. What remained in the vessel was left there. Next
morning it was found that the entire contents had been licked up. Not a drop
remained.
On
enquiry we were informed that the Shiva temple and the adjoining lands
belonged to the Ramna Kali estate. When the priest, Sri. Nityananda Gin was
approached, he said that he would not part with the property for a sum of less
than Rs. 6,000.
When
Niranjan was transferred to Dhaka a few months later we tried to raise the
money. But we could not succeed. Towards the beginning of 1927 I was bed-ridden
with a serious illness. One day Niranjan came to see me and said that the
Zamindar of Gouripur, Sri. Brojendra Kishore Ray Chowdhury had sent Rs.
1,000/-. Niranjan added, “First try to recover soon; we shall then make an
effort to raise more funds.” Niranjan collected more money gradually, but
Nityananda Gin refused to part with the property for a sum not less than Rs.
6,000/-. After suffering from ill-health for over a year and a half, I resumed
my duties in the Agricultural Department at Dhaka We inspected many a site for
building an ashram. But none appeared to be better suited than the one
suggested by Mother.
We
were in a fix. Towards the early part of 1929 Mother was a Calcutta. Sri Benoy
Bhushan Banerji went there and had a talk with Her about the starting of the
Dhaka ashram. When he came back and told me all about his conversation with
Her, my hopes revived. I decided one day that I must see the priest of the
Ramna Kali temple and accomplish at last the purchase of the plot of land. When
I stepped out of the house I saw the image of Mother floating over my head,
which gave me the conviction that our purpose would be fulfilled. The priest
said, “As you are unable to pay the large sum required for an out-and-out sale,
let there be some sort of lease with Rs.500/- as salami and Rs.
300/- as yearly rent. The Kali temple is also yours. Some permanent arrangement
may be made later on.” After a good deal of discussion it was finally decided
to take the plot of land on lease for the time being.
Naturally
such an arrangement was disliked by many. But if an Ashram was to be
established at all, the site selected appeared to be the best suited for the
purpose. The ashram belonged to Mother; so we believed that She would do all
that would be necessary for it. It was useless for us to speculate on the
future. With these thoughts in mind we took lease of the plot of land on the
terms offered. Sri Mathura Nath Basu, Nishikanta Mitra, Brindaban Chandra Basak
tools a leading part in the transaction. On the 13th April, 1929 Mother was
requested to set Her feet on the premises~ in ruins. Niranjan was then in
mourning over the untimely loss of his wife. But he managed to be present there
on the occasion. About two months later he also departed from this world. With
the money collected by him the foundation of the ashram was laid. Wherever he
and his wife might be now in the other world, their connection with Mother
continues to this day. This is my belief.
Regarding
the ashram Mother said,—”An ashram means a holy spot of land which awakens
divine thoughts in man. All its inmates must strive hard to keep the atmosphere
pure by continuous prayer, sadhana (religious
and spiritual exercises] noble thoughts, meditation and religious discourse. In
such a place it is sufficient if there be a few thatched huts for inmates to
live in anyhow.” It was on this account that a tiny hut was first erected for
Mother in the ashram.
Sri
Sri Ma’s movements and the play of Her various moods are beyond human
comprehension. It is futile to try and prevent what She proposes to do, or to
enquire why a particular course of action is followed by Her. On the 2nd May,
1929 Mother entered the new Ramna ashram. There were shouts of joy all around.
Sri. Baul Chandra Basak brought garlands and wristlets made of flowers and
dressed Mother like Krishnaji. Mother too appeared to be in a playful mood. But
I stood aloof, watching Her movements. It seemed to me that there was a shadow
of a cloud lurking somewhere mysteriously. Mother’s smiles and vision appeared
to be floating away to distant places. I returned to my house at 2 A.M. Next
day towards evening Pitaji visited our part of the town. Someone came
with a message that Pitaji was wanted back at the Ashram immediately. I
accompanied him. It was about 10 or 10-30 P.M. We found all persons in the
ashram quite sad and depressed. A gloom of anxiety darkened every face. Mother
was sitting on the open maidan
outside the boundary of the ashram. We were told that She had
come out of the ashram very early at dawn. Right up to 10-30 P.M. She had
passed the whole of the time wandering about in the fields.
On
seeing Pitaji, Mother said, “Let this body go on a journey with its
father; you yourself may please stay in the ashram”. Pitaji after many
protests gave his consent, blurting out all on a sudden,—”Well, let your will
be done.” Many accompanied Mother to the station. Pitaji and I stayed
back, but after some time we too went there. Pitaji tried his best to
dissuade Her from the project, expressing his disapproval. But Mother remained
firm.
The
train to Mymensingh stood ready. Mother got into it. Pitaji asked me to
accompany Her and told me to get into another compartment in case Mother should
stop me. In obedience to his instructions I accompanied Her.
After
I started for Mymensingh at about midnight with only a piece of loin-cloth with
me and without informing anybody of my family about my sudden departure, there
was great struggle in my mind and I hardly found words to describe it. The sun
is called the source of all life and activity and when the night wore on, with
the rays of the morning sun, demands of the office and family life revived
memories of endless unfinished duties waiting for me. What slaves of routine we
all are ! The chains of the world are too stiff and too subtle to be broken
asunder. My mind was strangely clouded with dark thoughts about the duties of
that day, even when I got a unique opportunity to sit at Mother’s feet. Year
after year I had yearned to touch those feet, and She had practically snatched
me away from the jaws of death. It seemed to me that our regard, reverence and
love were nothing but fleeting emotional impulses; in actual fact we secretly
worship our selfish desires. Mother too says,— “Your expressions of love and
reverence float over your physical mind like gusts of wind; unless the inmost
chamber of your soul be opened to allow a free flow of true devotion, how can
you offer the real thing in place of a mere semblance ?“
On
reaching Mymensingh, I enquired of Mother, “Where would you like to go next ?“
Her reply was, “To the hills”. I said, “The rainy season is already ahead
of us; will it be advisable at this time to go to the hills with your old
father ? If you want to pass some time in seclusion, let us go to Cox’s Bazar
on the seaside.” Mother remained silent.
We
ordinarily find that Mother gives an instruction or suggestion only
once. If we carry it out in toto, without any scruple, it finally turns
out to be for our best; otherwise we get either disappointed with the result or
fall into some unforeseen troubles.
We discussed amongst ourselves where we should go next and it was decided that we would start for Cox’s Bazar by the evening train. When we reached Ashugunj Station there was a severe thunderstorm. Mother said, “The fury of the storm that you see today is a trifle compared to what you will meet with tomorrow.” On reaching Chittagong we boarded the steamer for Cox’s Bazar. When we reached the sea at the mouth of the Karnafuli river, a severe storm arose. There was considerable rolling, waves began to pass over the deck. The passengers were screaming with fear, but the joy of Mother at the sight of the stormy sea knew no bounds.
Watching
the play of the storm with the waves, Mother said, “Look over there !
The ever-melodious music of the Divine is going on over the bosom of the mighty
sea. If man desires to secure his spiritual uplift, he must ever remember God’s
Name, sing His glory and try to listen to His mighty voice through all the
turmoil of life in this world.” We went from Cox’s Bazar to Adinath,(A temple on the top of a hill in the island of Mahesh Khali surrounded
by the ocean.)
Mother
remained there. I returned to Dhaka. After a few days Pitaji also went
to Adinath and took Mother to Calcutta. From there She went to Hardwar with Her
father.
Afterwards
She travelled to Sahasra Dhara (Dehradun), Ayodhya, Benares, Vindhyachal and
Nawadwip. From there She returned to Calcutta with Pitaji and then
proceeded to Chandpur. On Her way from Nawadwip through Calcutta I met Her. I
learnt that Mother was then eating only some fruits and a glass of sherbet and
had been passing several days in this way lying on the ground day and night,
quite absorbed in Her own thoughts. I also noticed that She moved about
mechanically like a doll dragging a body made of clay but pulled by some
invisible hand. Finding Her in such a state I was led to the conclusion that
when the Divine puts on a body vehicle on earth, He or She has to behave like
an ordinary mortal in obedience to the laws of this illusory material world.
After
some days both Mother and Pitaji came from Chandpur to Dhaka and stayed
there at the Siddheshwari Ashram. Pitaji fell seriously ill; after much
suffering, as soon as he was on the way to recovery, Mother became bedridden.
This has been described before.
In
October, 1929 the image of Kali was removed to a corrugated iron shed erected
for the purpose in Ramna ashram. In 1930 all the gold ornaments of the deity
were stolen and its wrist was broken by the thief.
There
arose doubts whether the broken image could be w9rshipped at all.
Many Pandits were consulted on the point. Mahamahopadhyaya Panchanan Tarkaratna
said, “Since the image of Kali was not immersed after the annual puja due to
the order of a saintly person, Her directions should also be followed in this
special case although under ordinary circumstances worship of a broken idol is
not permitted. According to Mother’s directions the image was renovated and
worshipped.
Long
before, when I pointed out to Mother that the construction of the temple was
necessary to house the image of Kali, Mother replied,—”Wait for one more year”.
Within a year of this reply towards the beginning of 1931, thanks to the best
efforts of Sri. Bhupati Nath Mitra and Nagendra Nath Roy, the foundation stone
of the temple was laid. When a trench was dug for laying the foundation, four
or five tombs, large and small, were discovered, containing a skeleton each,
some in a sitting posture and others lying down.
Regarding
these Mother said to me,—”The whole site has a sanctity of its own, having been
the residence of a few sannyasis in the past. You were one of them. I
have seen some of the saints moving about in the Ramna maidan. These sadhus
desire that some temple should be built upon their graves so that men might come
and pray to God here and maintain the purity of the place for the benefit of
the people. This is the reason why you have been advised to set up an ashram
here. Those who have taken part in the undertaking must have had some
association with the departed saints.”
I
enquired of Mother, “If I was a Sannyasi, why should I be plodding on in this
way now ?“ Her reply was, “Till the fruits of one’s Karma are
exhausted, one has to continue one’s unfinished work.”
While
Mother was at Shah-bag before the Dhaka ashram was started, there was Kirtan
almost every evening; it was prolonged till late at night on the full-moon
and new-moon days. One full-moon night I lay on my bed. It was 11 p.m.., I was
wide- awake. For a long time a sweet tune came floating into my ears, repeating
these two lines:
Harey
murarey madhukaitabharey
Gopal Govind Mukund
Sowrey
It
occurred to me that Mother must be singing the song at Shah-bag. It sounded
like Her voice. Next morning I learnt that Mother had actually been signing
those lines at the time.
She
sang only those two lines over and over again. I was really unfortunate. Though
Mother tried to draw me to the divine melody of kirtan songs, I hardly
developed a taste for them. One evening I went to Shah-bag with Niranjan. There
was Kirtan. Mother said, “Those of you who have not taken part in.the Kirtan,
sing the name of God all together.” Niranjan and I sang with very subdued,
almost inaudible voices owing t our natural shyness. But I felt sincere remorse
because I could not carry out Mother’s wishes fully.
All
at once Mother said,—”Today is Saturday; it will be Sunday tomorrow; why don’t
you sit together and pass some hours of the night singing Kirtan ?“ Niranjan returned to his house. I spent the whole
night at Shah-bag singing Kirtan. Towards the early hours of the morning,
Mother began to sing in a morning tune:
Hari hari hari hari hari hari hari bol
It
awakened in me a new inspiration. From that day onwards I could feel that in
spiritual culture Kirtan has a much higher place than other religious
rites and observances. The present practice of singing Kirtan at the ashram
every Saturday evening started from November; 1926. That day, along with the
name of (Hari), the word “Ma” (Mother) was added for the first
time. After a few day Kirtan was arranged by turns in the houses of one or
other of Mother’s devotees on each day of the week.
During
Kirtan at Shah-bag the words “Hari bol“ figured prominently. I came to feel
that since Mother is the supreme object of our thoughts and adoration, all the
prayers of our soul are direc ted to Her and
therefore the word “Ma” should be the basic element of our Kirtan songs.
I expressed these thoughts to some people, but they did not pay any heed to
what I said. I myself could not sing well. So I had to drop the matter for some
time.
When
Sri Anath Bandhu and Brahmachari Kamala Kanta joined the Dhaka ashram, I asked
them to introduce the word “Ma” into the Kirtan gradually. At that time, Sri.
Kulada Kanta Banerji came to Shah-bag. He had a deep regard for the performance
of Hindu rites and rituals and was well versed in them. He too hesitated to
introduce such an innovation in Kirtan. However, there was a combination
of the names of Hari and “Ma” in some songs. It is really difficult to alter
our set habits, mental make-up and modes of expression. Specially in religious
matters, to allow oneself to run along customary grooves is rather an easy
affair for most people. Besides to shake off the chains of tradition requires
considerable force of will.
At
that time I reasoned within myself in this manner: We try to concentrate our
attention on Mother’s figure, all our desires drive us to touch the dust of Her
holy feet; an image of Her face floats before our minds’ eye; our ears strain
their utmost to catch every single syllable that falls from Her lips; all our
love and reverence flow in an unbroken stream towards Her Grace. In such a
state of mind, if during Kirtan we sing Prana Gourang Nityananda (Gouranga, Nityananda is my life) aiso hey Gour, boso hey
Gour, amaar hridaya pranganey (Come 0
Gour, sit down 0 Gour in the chamber of my heart) and roll on the floor
overwhelmed with emotion, can there be any harmony and rhythm between our song
and the flow of our love and reverence?
The
aim of all worship or concentration is to give our many-sided tendencies a
unified direction, to divert all our feeble stray desires and longings towards
the Divine Being we worship. Under these circumstances if, instead of allowing
our sentiments and thoughts to float away on fine imageries of the distant past
called up by various topics, tunes and melodies of traditional songs, we try to
concentrate on the Living Presence of Mother through thoughts, tunes and songs
directly bearing on Her name and personal imageries that have constant appeal
for us all, a new inspiration will enliven our worship and Kirtan . We shall be able to obtain repose and attract Her
Grace;
If
we mean to be real devotees of Mother, we should be capable of reviving in the Kirtan
with the “Ma” -name only, the ardour and strength, the beauty and harmony
of Vaishnavite composers of old. The word “Ma” is a natural word that forms
spontaneously on the lips of a child from his very birth. It is the natural
derivative of (Om) and is the
breath of our life. The first cry of a child, as he emerges from the womb of
his Mother, is ‘Om-Ma which is the same as Om. It is the one sound-symbol for all human beings to
draw the attention of the mother to her child.
If
we really feel that Mother is the presiding Deity of our world, then Kirtan of
the name of “Ma” should be the easiest and most natural mode of worship for us.
At
about this time I composed the following song. adding the name ‘Ma’ to ordinary
Kirtan songs. Its translation runs thus
In
joy and sorrow, in happiness and misery Call out Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma,
Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma,
When the child drops from the mother’s womb
Mother
places the child on her lap
And
initiates him with the mantra Om,
He
learns to babble out ‘Ma, Ma, Ma’.
You
learn to stand on your own legs,
And
come gradually to forget the first word,
which started your life.
Therefore you search in the Vedas and Tantras,
to find out
The
limit of the limitless ‘Ma’.
If you ever desire to learn the truth of your heart,
Merge all names and forms in the “Ma” mantra,
Say
always ‘Ma, Ma’ and let your eyes swim in
flood of tears,
Find
in Sri Anandamayi Ma the final refuge of your life’s journey.
Towards
the beginning of 1928, I was at Giridih. One morning both Pitaji and
Mother dropped in. I pointed out to them that our ashram should have a special
mode of prayer with a specific divine sound-symbol, as all ashrams have their
specific forms of Kirtan . The one person round whom all the activities of the ashram revolve,
should serve as a centre to give unitary direction to all bhajans and kirtans
there. When such a harmony is set up, our efforts for spiritual uplift will
receive new momentum. With a combination of “Han” and “Ma” several kirtan songs
were composed, and it was settled that one song should be sent to Kulada Babu
at Dhaka. After Mother left, I was about to send
a song to him, when I felt, an inner urge to try a new
tune exclusively with the “Ma” name. It took the following form of chorus,—
Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma,
Call
(Dako) Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma,
Say
(Bolo) Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma,
Sing
(Gao) Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma,
Worship
(Bhajo) Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma,
Pray (Japo) Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma.
Call,
Say, Sing, Worship, Pray Ma, Ma, Ma.
When
this was sent to Kulada Babu at Dhaka, he wrote to say that the composition had
made much impression and that it had been introduced into the Kirtan of
the ashram.
This
is the starting-point of the new form of Kirtan with the “Ma”
sound-symbol. Without a sense of keen desire for Mother’s Grace during Her
absence, real performance was not possible. When these songs were composed,
Mother was away from Dhaka for several months. Her devotees were passing
through keen pangs of separation. The intense desire of the Bhaktas to have
Mother back in their midst made those songs so sweet and touching!
After
the Ramna ashram had been established, the Sanskrit hymns that had emanated
from Mother’s lips during the state of deep concentration, were sung during bhajan
time. Towards the close of 1931 (Agrahayan 1336 B.E.) Mother called me to
Her side and said, “The hymns which you recite during bhajan time are
incomplete, owing to your inability to note down all the thoughts and
expressions that issued from my lips. Can’t you try some other composition ?“
I
obeyed Her command and came to the conclusion, that a song in Bengali would
have a better appeal to a Bengali audience, than a Sanskrit one. Inspired by
Her, the following song took shape one night at about 3 A.M.
The
translation of the song is given below:
Glory to Thee, Sri
Anandamayi Ma,
who
dwellest in every soul, who art absolute purity through eternity.
Thy lustre, Mother Nirmala, illumines the universe with the radiance of all heavenly virtues;
Thou art Gouri incarnate, queen of all kingly
Power, symbolizing Om in Swaha and Swadha;
Thou art, Mother, ever
divinely graceful to all eyes and minds, ever-abiding and supremely beautiful,
ultimate reality behind the manifested universe.
The Sun and the
Moon, Mother, are Thy twin eardrops, the deep blue of the immense sky Thy hair
and the universe Thy glorious body.
Mother, Thou art the glamour of all the riches of
the world, sweetness incarnate, and radiant with all splendour of life.
Thou holiest, Mother, all
the gods and goddesses in
Thy person, art as full of charms as Lakshmi is to
Vishnu, with boundless peace, repose and mercy.
Mother, Thou art the dispenser of all happiness and
blessings of life, of divine wisdom, love and joys of salvation.
The universe is Thy offspring; Thou dost nurse it in
endless ways, and in the end dost merge it all into Thy bosom, Mother.
Thou art, Mother, the life of Thy devotees, Divine
Grace incarnate, the deliverer of this world and the two next.
Thou art the spring of all
actions; Thou expressest Thyself in all activities, art beyond all synthesis
and differences and art the prime mover of all divine forces.
All wisdom derives its charm from the sweet words of Thy lips, Mother;
Thou art the charmer of all saints; all terrors of the world vanish at Thy
glance.
All the mantras, all
the Vedas reveal Thy power; Thou art the sustainer of all the worlds with Thy
presence, Mother.
All gunas and forms
emanate from Thee, Mother, but Thou art beyond all these and dost represent one
Universal creative Thought-impulse.
The entire world sings
always the hymn of Thy Grace, is ever thrilled with Thy touch.
Let all our hearts unite in a chorus of song to offer our pranams to
Thy holy feet and to proclaim Thy glory over and over again, Mother, for ever.
ON THE WAY TO NEW LIFE
Since my first meeting with Mother, Her ever joyful, simple and soothing countenance cast such an ineffable charm over my life that even in the midst of various distractions and excitements through which I passed, I came to forget all my worries and temptations. There was only one consuming desire—to obtain a particle of Her Grace. Like the upward surging waves of the ocean, there was a deep outburst of my heart, roaring day and night towards Her feet and drowning all the tumults of the world. At times if I could shout “Ma Ma” like a madman and shed tears for Her and sing Her glory, I would find great relief. But such opportunities I could hardly get in my home.
As
I have seen in Mother’s physical body various unprecedented Bhavas ( transformation of the body under the
pressure of supramental forces] “, I was struck with joy and wonder in Her presence.
Before Her I came to feel that I was but an infant or an almost helpless, poor
beggar, absolutely unfit to sit at Her feet. In fact in my whole life I could
never sit down in Her presence. I always used to stand at a distance. Every
morning I was fortunate enough to have the first darshan of Her feet,
because very few people could go to the ashram so early. On some mornings I
found Mother sitting alone on one side of Her bed with all the langour of sleep
still over Her eye-lids; sometimes Her bright eyes and sweet face seemed to
radiate motherly affection and grace profusely on all men; or on other
occasions Her looks at dawn wore all the serenity and grace of a lovely autumn
sky in the morning, infinitely bright and blue, yet quite isolated from the
things of the world. The expression of Her face changed constantly with the
transformations in Her inner thoughts and emotions. At times She would look
like an old lady; again, in the midst of playful frolics and the loud laughter
of a gleeful girl, She would suddenly assume such serious, thoughtful and
determined looks as would arouse awe and fear in us. In this state Her body
would assume such unusual dimensions, Her face wore such a solemn expression
that it would make us all feel that Mother Rudrani [consort of Shiva the God of destruction and
dissolution wearing grim looks] was possessing Her whole being. At that time Her wild
laughter, Her rolling eyes, and the movements of Her limbs all conspired
together to strike terror in our hearts. Yet after a short while Her natural
expression of joy and sweetness was restored.
At
all times however, I would feel such an attraction for Mother that if I failed
to go to Her one day, I would be ill at ease and my mind would seek the
earliest opportunity to obtain shelter and repose at Her feet. It appeared to
me that She was ever calling out to my soul, “Come, come to me”,
and was constantly watching
me, with Her eyes ever intent on my welfare.
On
many days I tried with a strong will to black out all thoughts of Her, but She
mocked at every such perverse attempts of mine and captured my mind and
reasoning faculty all the more. I felt exhausted by such attempts and was left
dumb and inert like a lump of clay. I could not find any means to slake my
thirst for Mother’s affection. Thus I began to grow weak and my body hastened
towards a crisis.
At
last on the 4th of January, 1927 I fell ill. At the very start I began to feel
an acute pain in the region of my heart. No medicine could give me relief.
Mother came to see me one day and placed Her gentle, soothing hand upon my
chest. All my pains subsided with the touch. But the disease continued to take
a more and more serious turn. Doctors said, I had developed T.B. A few days
later Mother came to me one night, sat by my bed-side and said something by
Herself. Long afterwards I learnt from Mother that She had said to the disease [Mother says each disease its specific appearance as distinctly visible to
Her as a material form] Thou
hast done what thou couldst. Stop from now onwards.” From that time Mother
ceased to come to me. During the last few months of acute suffering I had not
the good fortune to see Her.
It
was necessary for me. The keen desire to see Mother made me forget the pain due
to the illness, my mind in those days hovered round Her feet day and night. She
pervaded my whole being both inwardly and outwardly. Later I was told that
Mother said one day at Shah-bag, She saw blood on all people’s lips. On hearing this remark Pitaji at once came to
see me at night. I was then vomiting blood and all my strength was nearly
spent. On many occasions Mother used to guide me with Her suggestions for a
remedy, long before She was informed verbally about the changes in my illness.
One
night a very acute crisis came on. The doctors in attendance declared my case
to be hopeless. It was 2 A.M. Heavy rain fell in torrents with a deafening
noise. Dogs were barking to make the gloom more frightful. I began to see
dreadful visions, all the hairs on my body stood on end. At that time I saw as
clearly as in broad daylight Mother sitting on the right side of my pillow. An
agreeable surprise stole in upon me. Before the first spell of surprise was
over, I found Mother passing Her hands over my head. It was so soothing In an
instant I fell into a deep sleep.
From
that day on, for about eight to ten months as long as I was confined to bed, I
would always feel that Mother sat on my bed near the pillow with a very calm,
serene face and would not hand me over to death.
Sometimes
when for hours together I could not stand the pain of coughing followed by the
spitting of blood, I sued to repeat the name of Mother and soon the intensity
of the pain would pass off.
During
my illness Mother asked Brahmachari
Jogesh to go out for one year to Western India and live on alms only, without
any fixed habitation. It might possibly have been intended to divert some of my
sufferings.
After
some months of illness when I occupied a Government house near Shah-bag, Mother
left for Hardwar to attend the Kumbh Mela. My illness had a second serious
set-back and a telegram was sent to Mother at Rishikesh. But She did not come.
I learnt afterwards that when Pitaji was anxious about me, She said to
him, “I have seen Jyotish lying on my lap, quite unconcerned about his
illness.”
After
about five months of treatment I wanted to test how much strength I had
acquired through medical skill. I tried to walk a few steps leaning against the
wall of the room. The strain of it caused profuse vomiting of blood the same
evening. When the doctor was informed, he left instructions with the inmates of
my house that I must lie flat on my bed.
Four
or five days later Mother returned to Dacca and came to see me. She enquired,
“How do you feel now ?“ I said,
“I have not much pain now, but I feel very uncomfortable owing to my not having
had a cold bath for a long time. It was the month of Vaisakh. The heat was
grilling. Mother sat for some time and then left. Next day at about 1 p.m. She
came again with Pitaji . At that time everybody in the
house was asleep. My daughter, aged 11 or 12, who was posted to keep watch over
me, was also fast asleep. Mother said, “You wanted to bathe; if you are keen on
it, there is a tank yonder, go there and have a good bath.”
That
tank was about 60 to 80 yards away. As soon as I heard Mothers words, a new
strength was infused into my frail body with love and devotion for Her. My body
then was but a skeleton. The warning of the physician not to leave my bed
flashed through my mind for a moment and vanished away. In this condition as I
tottered trying to stand up and take another loin-cloth to put on after the
bath, Pitaji at once caught hold of me and led me to the tank. The floor
of my house was above 4 ft. above the ground level. I got down the stairs and
walked the whole distance. It was a reserve tank with the University Muslim
Boarding House standing on its bank. There was also a notice put up by the P.W.
Department to the effect that it must not be used for bathing and washing. But
that day no inmate of the Boarding House could be seen. In my house too
everybody was asleep; I got down into the tank and had a delightful bath. On
returning to my quarters I spread out the wet cloth on the line hung up for
drying clothes and lay down on the bed taking rest.
No
sooner had I spread myself on my bedstead than my daughter awoke. She found
Mother sitting by her side. As I walked through the lawn to have a bath,
numerous seeds of love-thorn grass (Chorkanta) stuck
to the loin-cloth I wore.
When my servant Khagen saw the cloth studded with those thorns, his natural
inference was that I had walked across the lawn at noon. This was
brought to the notice of my wife, who showed that cloth to Mother and
complained to Her that I had walked on the lawn at midday against the doctor’s
express prohibition.
Mother
began to laugh without saying a word. I was really struck with surprise,
wondering how I could walk across the open lawn to have a dip in the tank in
broad daylight quite unnoticed by anybody and how I could get the strength to
stand such an effort. It was a feat quite beyond my comprehension. After three
or four months when I left Dhaka for a change to a healthier climate, I told
Niranjan all about it. Subsequently when after recovery I resumed my duties at
the office, I stated the fact to my physicians who discredited the story
altogether. My wife did not at first believe it either. When I described to
them the full story they finally came to believe it.
Whilst
the disease was in full swing, I developed a very strong desire to eat boiled
rice. The attending physicians would not allow me to have it. Niranjan appealed
to Mother, saying,—”Ma, Jyotish wants to take boiled rice; the doctors won’t
allow it. If he dies, we shall have one great grief that we could not satisfy
this desire of his before his death.” Mother laughed and said, “When Jyotish
has a desire for it, he should be given rice’. After a few days Pitaji brought
some boiled rice from Shah-bag and made me eat it, but nobody noticed it.
In
those days Mother used to come to see me once every day. One morning Mother
came very early and after She had left, Brahmachari Kamalakanta brought me some
champak flowers. It was with regret that I looked at the flowers,
because 1 would not have an opportunity that day to offer them at Her feet with
my own hands. In the afternoon Kulada Babu brought me a lovely rose. The same
painful thought recurred. The rose was kept on the table by the side of the
champak flowers. That such lovely flowers could not be placed at Mothers feet
disappointed me much. Just at that time Mother suddenly entered my room, went
to the table and stood reclining to the left. She gazed at me for three or four
minutes quite absent-mindedly and then left. I thought Mother had taken the
flowers. The rose was missing. Next day when She came I enquired about it. She
said, “I don’t quite know what I took, but I must have taken something from
here. I went to the house of the zamindar
of Dhankora and gave something to a woman there; then I went to the house of a
Deputy Magistrate where a woman was ill and I left something there too.”
Afterwards, I came to learn that at the first house She had given the rose and
at the second a champak flower. The sick lady recovered soon.
In
this connection Mother said, “Intense hankering after the Divine is the core of
all worship, of all prayer. In our heart lie eternal springs of divine power
and in our efforts lie the roots of all the creative, preservative and
destructive urges of Being.”
I
am just reminded of another incident. During my illness Pitaji ordered
that every day some rice prasad should be sent to me from Shah-bag; but
it
was offered at about 2 p.m. and
the prasad used to reach my house much later. Everybody in my
home got annoyed to find me waiting for prasad so late in the day. On a
particular day there was some adverse criticism of the whole arrangement at my
house. It caused me so much pain that I came to feel there was no need of
prasad being brought to my house in the face of so much disgust and
criticism amongst the members of my family. The day wore on; it was 2 A.M. at
night. No prasad had arrived form Shah-bag. It occurred to me that my
reluctance to have prasad with so much trouble was most probably the cause for
the stopping of the arrangement. I wept and wept on my bed and the prasad arrived
in half-an-hour. I learnt that Mother had just risen from Her bed and ordered,
“Go quickly, carry prasad to Jyotish at once.” I was given to understand later
that when during the preceding midday Mother’s permission was sought to send prasad
as usual, She said, “No”. So the practice of sending it was interrupted. In
this connection Mother said, “I don’t do anything of my own will; you laugh and
weep according to your impulses and your desires are fulfilled”.
During
my illness I went to Vindhyachal for a change. I happened to meet Mother at
Calcutta on my way and requested Her to go there too. She did not agree. On
reaching Vindhyachal I passed one whole night weeping for Her. Just one day later
Mother and Pitaji arrived there.
Mother
remarked in this connection, “The aim of all religious practices is to
sublimate all egoistic impulses and give them a unified direction towards the
Divine. As soon as the ego ceases to function, the “Eternal Thou” will take its
place.
From
Vindhyachal I went to Chunar. Mother also went there. One day She said, “Don’t
you often go out for a walk ?“ I replied, “I am too weak to move about. How can I ?“ Next dawn
She took me out with Her for a walk. On the level plains as well as on low
hills we walked five to six miles and returned at 11 A.M. While coming
down-hill, I felt very weak and could hardly walk. Mother turned round and
said,—”Our house is not far off.” In ten minutes’ time an Ekka (country
vehicle drawn by a horse) turned up quite unexpectedly in a small lane;
otherwise we would have had to walk one mile more to reach a carriage-stand. I
was afraid that the great strain due to such a long walk might aggravate my
illness. But no such thing happened.
Mother
said a little while later,—”Both in this work-a-day world as well as in the
spiritual sphere, patience is the crown of life.”
At
a little distance from my house Pitaji, Mother and myself sat on a lawn.
Mother said She would like to bathe with the water drawn from the well near the
fort. She began to press for it like a little child. I said, “Let me call my
servant.” She replied, “No, you must not.” I felt puzzled. .For in those places
people finish drawing water from the wells before sun-down. I felt sorry at the
prospect that I would not be able to carry out Mother’s wishes. But to my
surprise a man with a lantern turned up at the well to draw water. He was
persuaded to get water for Mother’s bath.
Mother
said,—”Whatever you seek can be obtained provided the thirst for the object of
your desire pervades every fibre of your being.”
During
my illness I spent some days at Giridih. I became very restless for Mother one
day, only to find to my surprise that Mother with Her whole party arrived the
next morning.
After
this change I returned to Calcutta. My physicians advised me to pass the
remaining few days of my life at some healthy place. Even then there was
spitting of blood when I coughed.
Mother
ordered,—”Go back to your desk in the office and resume your duties there.” I
went to Dhaka both Pitaji and Mother accompanied me to the office and
went back, after seating me in my own chair.
At
that time Mr. Finlow was the Director of the Agricultural Department as well as
my boss. He loved me and had a great regard for me. He told me,—”Do as much
office work as you can; send the rest to my desk.” He enquired, “Well, just
tell me how you have recovered from that fell disease?“ I said in
reply, “It is through the grace of Mataji who lives at the Ramna ashram
over there. She did not give me any medicine; though I followed the doctor’s
prescription, Her mercy was my only saving.” He said,— “Amongst our people also
one hears of similar instances. I believe what you say.”
One
evening an old neighbour of mine, aged about 80 years, Shyama Charan Mukherji
by name, came to my place. When the conversation turned upon Mother, I said,
“It is through Her grace alone that I happen to be still alive.” He blurted
out, “Can one through anybody’s grace live longer than one’s predestined span ?“ In the course of this discussion he suddenly became
silent and went away a few seconds later. He returned next morning to say, “Do
you know why I left your place so abruptly ? When we were talking about Mother,
I found on the back rest of your chair an oval bright light like that of the
sun. At that time there was darkness outside and no light in the room. I looked
about and could not trace the source of such a light at that hour; so I decided
to ponder over the phenomenon before telling you about it. After careful
thought I have come to the conviction that everything is possible through the
grace of a saintly person. Really, She has been protecting you all along.”
A
few months after first seeing Mother, Niranjan told Her at Shah-bag, “Ma, we
very frequently think that after your ashram is started, both myself and
Jyotish will live there as brahmacharis during our next birth.” Mother
looked at me and asked~—”Why are you silent ? Won’t you be able to do so even
in this body ?”
Some
three or four years later, when I resumed my duties after recovery, Mother
reminded me of the above talk and said, “Just think, how you have had your
rebirth.” Then Mother took a golden chain from Her neck and placed it on mine,
saying, “From this day onward know it for certain that you are a brahmachari
and that you have had your rebirth.”
The
little hut, eight by five and a half cubits, with verandahs on all sides, which
I had created in the ashram According to my own ideas, was used by
Mother. She would lie down on the two long verandahs on either side. She told
me that I had been one of the sannyasis who used to dwell on that site,
and the spot which I had unconsciously chosen for building the hut for Mother,
was the very place where I had passed my life during my previous birth.
I
feel that it was my unique good luck to find Mother’s physical body resting on
the very spot where I had carried on my sadhana during my previous existence. Probably my karma had
directed such a course; for when I first saw Mother She appeared to me to
embody all gods and goddesses in Her person and I felt that She had been my
presiding Goddess all through the series of my previous births.
From
the latter part of 1929 for full three years I used to go to Ramna very early
in the morning with a desire to see Her first. For this purpose I rose from bed
at 2 a.m. finished my usual prayers and worship by 4-30 a.m. and then went out.
On certain days it so happened that I confused
the two hands of my watch
and misread the time and started much earlier. Hearing the clock strike in some
adjacent house on the way, I realised that I had started far too early. In that
case I would walk in the Ramna fields or sit at the gate of Ramna Kalibari,
waiting for the light of dawn. I entered the Ashram at 5 a.m. and walked about
in the fields with Mother, returning home at 10-30 or 11 a.m. On certain days I
came back at 12 noon or even 1 p.m..
I
never sat in Mother’s presence. My whole body remained erect with a thrill of
inner joy. When I was asked by anybody to sit down, I felt quite embarrassed.
Mother would usually remain quite silent during our morning rounds. She broke
Her silence only in exceptional cases. I used to follow Mother’s footsteps
without a word.
One
day an old pleader, Babu Ashwini Kumar Guha Thakurta by name, came there for a
morning walk and said to Mother,—”I have come, not to see you, Mother, but to
meet your pet lamb and to observe with my own eyes how he comes to you so early
every morning regardless of cold, heat, or rain and how he follows your every
footstep in mute silence. The very sight gives me great delight.” I told him,—
“Kindly bless me so that I may pass the rest of my life in this manner.” The
old man clasped me to his bosom and said, “You are already a blessed fellow.”
Sometimes
there was a heavy downpour during the early hours of the morning, but I noticed
on several occasions when I started with the name of Mother on my lips, the
rainfall ceased for the time being and I had little difficulty in reaching Her
place. During the rainy weather or through the dense fog of winter there was no
obstacle whatever for me to walk with Mother every morning for full three
hours.
There
was a time when the Hindu-Moslem riot was rife at Dhaka. Before the outbreak
started Mother one day exclaimed,—”Terrible ! Monstrous !“ When I enquired about the import of such expressions
She said,—”All over the town I hear wild shrieks, lamentation and wailing.” But
even when the communal bitterness was at its highest, I did not stop m morning
walks. My neighbour Sri Bhawani Prasad Neogi used to look upon me as his
younger brother. He warned me one day, saying, “I remain very anxious for you
till you return. Stabbing, murder, assaults are the order of the day throughout
the city. Is it proper for you to walk out alone in such an atmosphere ?“
I
used to reflect that as Mother did
not say anything against my morning visits, there was no fear for me. So I
continued the usual routine of my life.
One
day I was no the way to the Dhaka ashram. The street lamps were burning. There was
no man in the street. I passed by the Dak Bungalow and walked about 100 yards
further, when I noticed a stout fellow wrapped up in a piece of cloth slinking
from behind a Mahogany tree; he was following me.
I
asked him where he was going; he replied that he would go with me. I let him
know that I was going to Ramna ashram; he said that he too would go there. His
manner looked suspicious and I was very frightened. Suddenly, I screamed, “No,
you must not go with me !“ Saying this I strode on
fast without looking in any direction. After I had gone far, I turned round and
found that the man stood motionless like a log of wood on the spot where I had
left him. When I reached the ashram, I found Mother standing at the gate with
Her loving steadfast gaze directed towards me. I fell at Her feet and let Her
know the details. She did not say a single word. I came to learn afterwards
that there had been a murder in that very quarter.
TO DISTANT LANDS
We
can observe in every walk of life that three things are necessary for success
in the struggle for existence:— a noble aim, steady determination, whole-hearted devotion to duty. Even though
in some cases, no tangible success may be achieved by these virtues, at least
the disposition to do good and substantial work is developed thereby which
bears fruit at the earliest opportunity.
After
returning to my duties in the office I passed three years in full harness. One
day at the ashram Mother took a flower, and plucking away all its petals, She
said to me, “Many of your samskaras have
dropped away and many more will fall off like the petals of this flower, till I
shall remain as your main prop, just like the one stalk of this flower; do you
understand ?“ Saying this She began to laugh. I enquired, “Ma, how
can I reach that state ?“
She replied,—”Every day try to live
with this idea; you need not do anything else.”
Really
speaking, this thought sank deep into my soul and remained with me throughout
the regular routine of my life. All the scattered thoughts were gradually
directed to one end. Though various ideas often brought about distraction, yet
there was great eagerness in me to keep myself steadily fixed to the
master-thought that Mother was there in me like my backbone. From this I became
convinced that what a man achieved by constant religious practice, by mental
isolation from the objects of sense, could be accomplished through the power of
one word from a saintly person.
After
some six or seven months Mother said to me one day during our morning
walk,—”Listen, your active life is coming to a close.” I heard it but it did
not evoke any deep response in me.
At
that time Sri Bhagawan Chandra Brahmachari too used to say to me very
frequently,—”Get ready, a saint is coming down from the Himalayas to take you
away.” He had a childlike nature and I thought he was making fun.
A
few months later I went on leave for four months. I was on the look out for a
hill station to have a change. In the meantime on the 2nd of June, 1932, at
about 10-30 P.M. Mother called me through Brahmachari Jogesh and enquired if I
could accompany Her. I wanted to know where She desired me to go. Her reply
was, “Anywhere I choose to.” I kept silent. She added, “Why are you silent?“ I mused over the fact that I could not inform anybody about the matter.
So under the pull of the world, I said, “I shall have to get money from home.”
Mother said, “Collect from here what you can get.” I said, “All right”, with my
lips; but I felt that my son and wife peeped out from the depth of my heart
saying, “Where are you going, leaving us all?“
However,
with one blanket, one coverlet, one durrie, one loin-cloth I started with
Mother and Pitaji. On reaching the station Mother said, “Book tickets
right up to the terminus of this line.” We booked for Jagannathgunge. On reaching
there next day Mother said, “Cross over to the other bank.” From there we left
for Katihar. I had only a few rupees left, but quite unexpectedly I met an old
friend who gave me Rs.100/-, and a large quantity of fruits and sweets. From
there we went to Lucknow, and then boarded the Dehradun Express. On the
following day, after arriving at Dehradun we rested at a Dharmasala . It was a new place. all people were strangers and everything appeared
new to me.
Mother
said, “I find everything old.” Where we should go next was quite uncertain. In
the afternoon Pitaji and I
went out for a walk and came to know that there was a Kali temple
nearby. We went there and were told that some three or four miles away in the
village of Raipur stood a Shiva temple which was quite solitary and a fit place
for a secluded life. By drift of circumstances one Pandeji of Raipur came to
meet us. We had a talk with him and accompanied him to Raipur the next morning.
Pitaji liked the place. When Mother’s opinion was sought, She said, “You
settle it yourselves, for me all places are good.” From the
morning of Wednesday, June 8, 1932, both Mother and Pitaji began to live
in the temple.
SRI SRI MA.
It
is beyond our common intelligence to comprehend what Mother stands for and what
She is in reality Though She always says, “I am only a senseless daughter of
yours”. Still in all Her ways of life, in Her ever delightful Lila amongst
us, all the powers of the Divine find expression in tangible forms.
In
Mother, we find in Her a perennial fountain of joy and sweetness though She is
surrounded day and night by the noise and bustle and a thousand entreaties of
all classes of people. Her calm and serene looks, Her gracious, ever smiling
responses to all queries, Her playful humour, bring satisfaction and delight to
every soul. Her ways of life are so universal and all embracing that She may be
called Motherly Love incarnate.
Some
say that She is the Supreme Goddess of the Universe in human form. Some are of
opinion that She has reached perfection through spontaneous psychic evolution
without any effort on Her part. To us She appears to be what everybody
considers Her to be. At the first sight of Her one becomes animated with a
religious fervour, even if one happens to be almost impervious to spiritual
ideas. In Her presence thoughts of God and His Glory flourish with all their
brilliance in hearts as dry as dust and the vibrations of one universal,
all-pervading life overpower one’s heart as it Were with endless surges like a
vast ocean of bliss.
When
at one time She was asked as to who Her preceptor was, or from whom She had Her
initiation, She remarked, “In earlier years my parents were my guides; in
household life my husband; and now in every situation of life all men and
things of the world are my Guru. But know it for certain, the one
Supreme Being is the only Guide for all.”
From
the standpoint of worldly people Mother is an ideal daughter, wife and mother;
to an aspirant after spiritual life Her words and behaviour have deep
significance indicating various modes of spiritual culture and of Yogic
practices as well as the basic truths of dualism, monism and dualistic monism
and Other philosophic doctrines. The physical changes that become manifest in
Her body lead one to the inference that She is a confirmed Vaishnava; in
the Tantric worship of Shiva, Kali, Durga and other gods and goddesses
or in the performance of Vedic religious sacrifices She has evoked admiration
from eminent philosophers of the East and the West. The only difference that is
disclosed between Mother and the Great Masters who have reached perfection
through Bhakti Yoga, Jnana Yoga or Karma Yoga in their special lines,
lies in the fact that in Mother all the three paths of sadhana have
reached a wonderful synthesis. It is through this harmony of the various modes
of approach to the Divine that all types of people receive inspiration from Her
presence.
Her
genial and sweet appearance, Her uncommon patience and endurance, Her spirit of
sacrifice and simplicity, Her ever-joyful, humorous ways of dealing with men,
women and children, Her unsullied, clear vision, meaning good to all living
beings, Her even-handed dealings, softened by love for all men irrespective of
caste, creed, community and nationality, Her absolute freedom from pleasure,
pain and the like, make Her a unique figure in modern times; one cannot say
that She has attained perfection through self-effort; for, those who have
watched Her from Her infancy assert that She has been the same in Her thoughts
and actions all through Her life. Nobody has yet noticed that She has performed
any spiritual or religious exercise of any kind.
Those
natural or super-natural phenomena that become manifest in Her, through Her
bodily expressions, are but the spontaneous outcome of Her desire to secure the
welfare of all human beings. Those manifestations do not depend upon Her will
nor do they function against it, nor are they the result of any devotional
effort on Her part. When clarified butter with other oblations are offered to the
fire on the altar, the flame flares up by a natural law, but the perfume that
emanates, purifies and enlivens the whole atmosphere. After a little while no
trace of the sacrificial offerings remains, but the flames keep on burning in
purity and brightness. In exactly the same manner when Mother’s devotees bring
their offerings to Her feet with the best of their love and reverence, the very
touch of these gifts, causes the fountain of Her heart to burst forth, like the
natural flow of milk from the mother’s breast at the touch of her infant’s
lips. So in the case of Mother, Her speech, Her looks, Her face all become
moistened with love for Her children; and with a divine flame Her face
brightens up for a time and soon after resumes its normal composure.
There
is no conflict in Her, no urge to action or inaction disturbs the serenity of
Her will. She is completely enveloped by a glow of that Supreme Truth which
forms the bed-rock of all principles and practices of religion and of the moral
codes of the world and which has been revealed to the human mind in different
ages for the good of the universe. A glimpse of that Truth, a suggestion
thereof, shines forth in all Her actions, words and songs. Her life illustrates
the great fact how man, while doing his everyday duties meekly, joyfully, and
maintaining social relations fully can yet advance on the spiritual plane.
A
time has arrived for us to take stock of the amount of good that is being done
to our social life by crowds of people that are swelling the number of sannyasis
and sadhus. Stepping out of the boundaries of family life and the pale
of civic rights and responsibilities, to try to open up easy paths of spiritual
uplift for family, society and nation is not a very simple matter. There are
persons who have reached high levels of spiritual greatness by retiring from
the world and living a life of seclusion in solitary ashrams or mountain caves.
Their individual greatness does not pull up the general level of culture of the
masses of people to any appreciable extent, nor are the standards of mass-life
raised higher. Through their inspiration many ashrams are established in
different centres of the country, the spires of the temples erected therein may
shoot up high into the sky, the glamour of worship and the hymns and devotional
music sung morning and evening induce many people from far and near to spend
more and more money upon the enterprise, free distribution of prasad may
attract crowds of hungry men like flies from the surrounding regions; but the
influence of such institutions built up at the expense of so much labour and
money hardly goes to make our social life healthier and brighter, neither by
spreading knowledge and literacy nor greater love for men nor again, by
fostering a more ardent desire for the life Divine.
Our society is getting more and more crippled
through mutual jealousy, rivalry and petty squabbles over trifles. Those who
are strong at heart with a spirit of social responsibility and selfless service
hardly find scope for real and efficient social work, being half paralysed by
stagnant, social ideas of the class seclusion of orthodox olden times. On the
other hand one meets at every step opposition to all efforts at reform. The
culture by which physical and mental health is made secure, which makes man
strong and hardy through realisation of God’s grace in all the walks of life,
which refines and transforms our narrow, selfish impulses into an unselfish
spirit of service and self-sacrifice irrespective of caste and creed is fast
disappearing from our country and there is hardly any doubt that the scope and
field of such culture is gradually shrinking amongst us.
It
is time for us to enquire as to what has brought about such a state of affairs.
We have fallen into the narrow grooves of time-worn cults and prejudices. The
ideas and ideals of olden times and those of the present age have met face to
face and have produced a slack-water in our social and religious life. Mother
stands at the parting of ways.
We
always find in Mother’s life and in all Her activities an ardent desire to
secure the welfare of the world, throwing the burden of looking after Her body
upon others and releasing Herself completely from all cares for Her own bodily
comforts and ease. She has thus made Herself absolutely free to advance the
cause of the helpless and oppressed, of the sick and destitute, as well as to
help the rich and powerful who ever suffer from the various physical and mental
maladies of their surfeited and pampered lives.
Her
life is an eye-opener to us all. She shows by Her everyday activities how we
can link every minute detail of life with the Infinite and how we can cultivate
a new spirit, a new outlook in our relations with men and things and make this
world a place of new joy and hope and peace.
From
the worldly standpoint She possesses nothing to call Her own. All places of the
common man, temples, dharmasalas, public ashrams and huts are now Her
only places of residence,—places where all people from the highest to the
lowest may flock freely to Her without any obstruction. She has devoted Herself
wholly and completely to the good of the world. All living beings are Her own
kith and kin. She says, as mentioned previously, “I find the whole world to be
one vast garden, you are all flowers blooming in this garden with your
individual beauty and grace. I move about from one corner of it to another.
What makes you feel so sad when I leave you, only to be in the midst of your
brothers over there?“
On
another occasion She said, “I have no need of doing or saying anything; there
never was any need, neither is there now, nor will there ever be in future.
What you found manifested in me in the past, what you see now and what will be
observed in the future is only for the good of you all. If you think that there
is something peculiarly my own, I must tell you that the whole world is my
own.”
The
glories of the creative activities of the Universal Mother that we find
revealed everywhere in this world, can be noticed in all Her words and actions,
in Her social intercourse with all classes of people everywhere. To those who
are devoted to Her, She is like a little child demanding tokens of their love
for Her; to those who are distressed owing to disease or other worldly
troubles, Her motherly anxiety to give them relief takes shape in various acts
of redress. All these attitudes proceed from a reservoir of a mighty spiritual
power always working in the background.
She
has shown equal regard and reverence for all religions, for all social
institutions and laws, for all types of education. This illustrates the great
truth that everything in this world is the embodiment of one Supreme Being. She
says, “All religious thoughts flow in one direction, as all streams flow into
one ocean; and we are all one.” If anybody puts the question to Her: “To what
caste do you belong ? Where is your home?“, Mother at once
answers with a laugh, “From your worldly standpoint this body belongs to East
Bengal and is Brahmin by caste; but if you think apart from these artificial
distinctions, you will understand that this body is one of the members of the
one human family.”
At
times She has been heard to say, “Have faith in this body. Your whole hearted
faith will open your eyes.” She also says from time to time, “I know nothing. I
say what you pour into my ears.” And then, —“This body is but a toy-doll; just
as the Master desires to play with it through you all, it goes on playing.”
From
these and other remarks it is evident that in Her Person the power that lies
behind this phenomenal world has assumed shape. Her activities emanate from one
fountainhead and flow back into it. She has no sense of duality. She often
says, “You are the epitome of the Universe”; at another time She was heard to
declare, “I am Truth Infinite.”
On
one occasion She said, “Is there any essential difference between myself and
yourself ? Because He is, the conception of I and you has sprung up.” If with
staunch faith, strong devotion and a heart overflowing with love, anyone of you
can exclaim, “Mother, come, come to me Mother, I cannot pass my days without
you,” rest assured, the Universal Mother will spread out Her arms towards you
and clasp you to Her bosom. Don’t look up to Her only as a mysterious refuge in
your hour of distress. Remember always She is very, very near you, guiding all
the forces of your life. With that conviction proceed,—She will take the brunt
of all your responsibilities from your shoulders and give you strength to bear
the cross.